This got long.
Feb. 23rd, 2009 07:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizwontcryI couldn't sleep for shit last night for reasons I will eventually speak of, so here I am at work, almost 3 hours early. I am okay right now. I watched some CSI (Living Doll, represent!) when I was getting ready for work, and then I jammed to some Chinese Democracy on the way here. I expect there will be some Dr. Pepper involved in my future, and also a nap. I look forward to both of these things.
Now, as for why I couldn't sleep...I had a grisly dream about death and murder and I woke up and was sure someone was hiding in the closet. I then could not get back to sleep for the life of me. I blame this on the Meridia.
Ah, Meridia...my endocrinologist prescribed this to me 4 years ago when I was frustrated about my weight. The first time I took it, I lost, like, 10 pounds in a week and a half. Mostly because I was also getting over a break-up and I was too sad to eat, but the Meridia definitely helped. I tend to think of Meridia as a miracle drug, but like all prescription drugs, it has its pros and its cons. Mostly cons.
Pro: When I am taking this drug, I do not think about food the way I do when I'm not taking it. I can't really describe it...I'm not exactly hungry at all, and when I do eat, I don't eat much. So that is good, but it leads to...
Cons: If you take it for longer than a few days (which is obviously what it's meant for), you start having kind of an unhealthy relationship with food. Like, I don't want to eat. And then I get hungry, and then I overeat. So then I don't eat again until the next day. And eventually you get so hungry that you gain all your weight back 'cause you're so tired of this drug that's making you so hungry. That makes sense, right? I am babbling.
The other con is that it causes pretty crazy insomnia. Every single time I take it. And I like to get my sleepy time in, you know what I'm sayin'? I gotta get my beauty rest.
Mostly, my point is that I'm not going to take it anymore. It was an old prescription anyway and my doctor probably wouldn't advise me to take it at this point. It's just that I'm getting kind of desperate, Jenny Craig isn't working because I'm not making it work, and something HAS to happen. Last night I actually had pizza AFTER I worked out. That's not a healthy relationship with food. And I hope that this insomnia, this lack of sleep, this desperate feeling that leads to eating pizza after working out...I hope that all of these things lead to me having a better week this week. I want to do better. I want to be healthy. I want to end this crazy cycle of self-loathing that I've gotten down to a tee. It can't be this hard! It just can't.
So there's that.
In other news, I enjoyed the Oscars last night. I thought Hugh Jackman was hysterical, especially his little song at the beginning. I thought Ben Stiller was funny, but maybe a tad bit insensitive, that is if Joaquin Phoenix is batshit crazy instead of doing a documentary or whatever. Look, I loved me some River Phoenix, and when he died I was a mess. I wouldn't put it past Joaquin to have some crazy in him, is all I'm saying.
I couldn't believe the camera going to Angelina when Jennifer was on. I actually yelled at my TV, I was so mad. Maybe I took that a tad too seriously. I thought Bill Maher was kind of a dick. I was very disappointed when Mickey Rourke didn't win, but I liked Sean Penn's speech. But did he thank his wife? I teared up when they showed her crying for him, and then he didn't even thank her. Forrest Gump would not approve.
Maybe I should see Slumdog Millionaire.
I also saw He's Just Not That Into You this weekend with my BFF. I was not prepared for it to be so...intense. Like the Break-Up with Jennifer and Vince Vaughn, I thought that was going to be funny ha ha and it was like the most depressing movie ever.
A little backstory: In 2004, I was kinda with Matt, the guy I was with for 5 years and then we broke up and then we kind of got back together. But we only saw each other once every couple of weeks and it wasn't really...anything. So I developed a huge, all encompassing crush on someone I met at church. There were vibes, you guys. Hardcore vibes. I had never met someone who was so into who I was as a person before, and it was pretty awesome. But the minute I expressed interest in him, the minute I gave him my number and told him to call me some time, the minute he lost all interest in me at all.
And when I told people about him and how much I liked him and how maybe we have a connection, they'd all say, "Well, have you read that book He's Just Not That Into You?" Like, 3 or 4 people told me this in different situations. I actually came to really resent it. Yes, I did read the book. I understood the fact that if he wasn't calling me, he didn't want to call me. But that didn't mean I had to give up all hope, right?
Well, this lasted a whole year. It came to a head when we went on a retreat and I ended up confessing to HIS GIRFLRIEND that I was LIKE OMG IN LOVE. I didn't know she was the girlfriend until about an hour after I said that. So that was fun. It did not end well. And it turned out that he really never was all that into me.
So this movie hit a little close to home at times. But what it really did was make me happy that I'm in a relationship and don't have to mess with that stuff at this time in my life. I loved that Wilson Cruz was in it. Ricky Vasquez for life! I thought ScarJo was kind of a whore, and I really disliked the fact that Drew Barrymore was just encouraging her to go after a married man. Come on, Drew. WTF.
What I loved most was Jennifer Aniston, though. I know, I'm talking about her a lot today. But I loved her with Ben Affleck. Their story was my favorite and made me tear up a little like 3 times, especially when he helped out after her dad's heart attack. Oof. If I was into RPF, I would make them my OTP. Well, after Billy and Jorja, of course.
Anyway, awesome movie, somewhat depressing, and Gennifer Goodwin is adorable.
I clearly need to stop talking now. Where's my Dr. Pepper?!
Oh, and I've watched this like 5 times and it still makes me laugh like an idiot. Watch it if you are easily amused by dogs, especially pugs.
That is all. Hopefully.
Now, as for why I couldn't sleep...I had a grisly dream about death and murder and I woke up and was sure someone was hiding in the closet. I then could not get back to sleep for the life of me. I blame this on the Meridia.
Ah, Meridia...my endocrinologist prescribed this to me 4 years ago when I was frustrated about my weight. The first time I took it, I lost, like, 10 pounds in a week and a half. Mostly because I was also getting over a break-up and I was too sad to eat, but the Meridia definitely helped. I tend to think of Meridia as a miracle drug, but like all prescription drugs, it has its pros and its cons. Mostly cons.
Pro: When I am taking this drug, I do not think about food the way I do when I'm not taking it. I can't really describe it...I'm not exactly hungry at all, and when I do eat, I don't eat much. So that is good, but it leads to...
Cons: If you take it for longer than a few days (which is obviously what it's meant for), you start having kind of an unhealthy relationship with food. Like, I don't want to eat. And then I get hungry, and then I overeat. So then I don't eat again until the next day. And eventually you get so hungry that you gain all your weight back 'cause you're so tired of this drug that's making you so hungry. That makes sense, right? I am babbling.
The other con is that it causes pretty crazy insomnia. Every single time I take it. And I like to get my sleepy time in, you know what I'm sayin'? I gotta get my beauty rest.
Mostly, my point is that I'm not going to take it anymore. It was an old prescription anyway and my doctor probably wouldn't advise me to take it at this point. It's just that I'm getting kind of desperate, Jenny Craig isn't working because I'm not making it work, and something HAS to happen. Last night I actually had pizza AFTER I worked out. That's not a healthy relationship with food. And I hope that this insomnia, this lack of sleep, this desperate feeling that leads to eating pizza after working out...I hope that all of these things lead to me having a better week this week. I want to do better. I want to be healthy. I want to end this crazy cycle of self-loathing that I've gotten down to a tee. It can't be this hard! It just can't.
So there's that.
In other news, I enjoyed the Oscars last night. I thought Hugh Jackman was hysterical, especially his little song at the beginning. I thought Ben Stiller was funny, but maybe a tad bit insensitive, that is if Joaquin Phoenix is batshit crazy instead of doing a documentary or whatever. Look, I loved me some River Phoenix, and when he died I was a mess. I wouldn't put it past Joaquin to have some crazy in him, is all I'm saying.
I couldn't believe the camera going to Angelina when Jennifer was on. I actually yelled at my TV, I was so mad. Maybe I took that a tad too seriously. I thought Bill Maher was kind of a dick. I was very disappointed when Mickey Rourke didn't win, but I liked Sean Penn's speech. But did he thank his wife? I teared up when they showed her crying for him, and then he didn't even thank her. Forrest Gump would not approve.
Maybe I should see Slumdog Millionaire.
I also saw He's Just Not That Into You this weekend with my BFF. I was not prepared for it to be so...intense. Like the Break-Up with Jennifer and Vince Vaughn, I thought that was going to be funny ha ha and it was like the most depressing movie ever.
A little backstory: In 2004, I was kinda with Matt, the guy I was with for 5 years and then we broke up and then we kind of got back together. But we only saw each other once every couple of weeks and it wasn't really...anything. So I developed a huge, all encompassing crush on someone I met at church. There were vibes, you guys. Hardcore vibes. I had never met someone who was so into who I was as a person before, and it was pretty awesome. But the minute I expressed interest in him, the minute I gave him my number and told him to call me some time, the minute he lost all interest in me at all.
And when I told people about him and how much I liked him and how maybe we have a connection, they'd all say, "Well, have you read that book He's Just Not That Into You?" Like, 3 or 4 people told me this in different situations. I actually came to really resent it. Yes, I did read the book. I understood the fact that if he wasn't calling me, he didn't want to call me. But that didn't mean I had to give up all hope, right?
Well, this lasted a whole year. It came to a head when we went on a retreat and I ended up confessing to HIS GIRFLRIEND that I was LIKE OMG IN LOVE. I didn't know she was the girlfriend until about an hour after I said that. So that was fun. It did not end well. And it turned out that he really never was all that into me.
So this movie hit a little close to home at times. But what it really did was make me happy that I'm in a relationship and don't have to mess with that stuff at this time in my life. I loved that Wilson Cruz was in it. Ricky Vasquez for life! I thought ScarJo was kind of a whore, and I really disliked the fact that Drew Barrymore was just encouraging her to go after a married man. Come on, Drew. WTF.
What I loved most was Jennifer Aniston, though. I know, I'm talking about her a lot today. But I loved her with Ben Affleck. Their story was my favorite and made me tear up a little like 3 times, especially when he helped out after her dad's heart attack. Oof. If I was into RPF, I would make them my OTP. Well, after Billy and Jorja, of course.
Anyway, awesome movie, somewhat depressing, and Gennifer Goodwin is adorable.
I clearly need to stop talking now. Where's my Dr. Pepper?!
Oh, and I've watched this like 5 times and it still makes me laugh like an idiot. Watch it if you are easily amused by dogs, especially pugs.
That is all. Hopefully.
