Since I met You - Chapter 9
Jun. 22nd, 2007 04:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizwontcryTitle: Since I Met You - Chapter 9
Author: Butliz
Rating: Teen
Spoilers: Everything through 7x24
Disclaimer: I so don't own them.
Summary: Sara's mother is sick, and Sara feels like she's finally ready to face the past. But how will that effect her future? A look at Sara and Grissom's past, present and future. As always, thanks to the tireless beta-ness of GSFanatic.
Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
Okay, y’all, I really agonized over this particular chapter. It’s really, really long, but trust me, if you liked the chapters before this, you’ll really like this one. And if you would like to leave a comment or feedback, that would be awesome because I really hurt my brain over this one. And thanks again to GSFanatic, who is the awesome with her mad beta skillz.
Vegas, year 3
Sara found herself starting her third year in Vegas with a boyfriend. She hated that term, "boyfriend," but it seemed like that was what Hank Peddigrew was turning out to be. Hank was an okay guy. He treated her just fine, they had interesting conversations, and he was a decent kisser. He was from the area and took her to places she'd never been to around Vegas, like amusement parks and wineries and hole in the wall restaurants. They didn't spend a whole lot of time together because of their different schedules, but when they did, it was nice.
Still, when she found herself without his company, she was just as happy as when she was spending time with him. She did wonder if that was how it was supposed to be. Wasn't she supposed to look forward to spending time with her boyfriend? To think about the relationship progressing past casually dating made her nervous. They'd been together about for almost 6 months and hadn't even spent the night together yet.
For some reason she couldn't quite figure out, she didn't want Grissom to know about Hank. That wasn't quite working out for her. Warrick told her that he and Grissom were just at a crime scene where Hank told him to "say hi to Sara" for him. Sara could only imagine what Grissom felt about that. He probably thought how unprofessional it was to date someone she worked with on a regular basis. Sara could only laugh at the irony.
However, Grissom might have had a point there. Sara was processing the scene of a double murder involving a popular movie actor named Tom Haviland. Sara was taking pictures of the bed when Hank made his way to the room.
"I need to talk to you," Hank told her.
Sara tried hard to not sound annoyed when she said, "Uh, can it wait until after work?"
"It's about work," Hank said nervously. "When I tried to revive the victim the bra was in the way, so I repositioned it. I didn't think about it until I was at the elevator."
Sara asked him where it was exactly. He pointed and she moved the bra to the right location, snapping a few pictures.
"Thanks," Hank said, looking at her gratefully.
"Thanks? Thanks nothing. I'm going to have to put it in my report. 'Evidence moved due to life-saving efforts' with before and after pictures."
"Sorry," Hank said, looking just a little bit pitiful.
Sara smiled as Hank left as quickly as he entered. After work, they'd laugh about how ridiculous the procedures of their job could be, but for now, she had to take it seriously.
As the case opened up, it received nationwide media attention. Tom hired the best lawyers money could buy, and to show how dirty his team could play, they brought in Phillip Gerard. Not only was Phillip a top forensic scientist, he was also Gil Grissom's mentor. Sara could tell Grissom had very conflicting feelings about this.
At one point during the investigation, she and Gil were analyzing a sheet with a waffle-shaped bloody imprint on it. They were talking about the particulars of the case when they heard the shutter of a camera click behind them. They both turned around to see Philip taking pictures of the evidence.
"Sorry, Gil, just doing my job," he said, a fake smile plastered on his face.
Grissom introduced Sara to Philip and they talked about the case and how Sara handled the evidence for a bit. Then Philip made Sara want to crawl under a rock and stay there for maybe a year or two with his next piece of conversation.
"DA just provided me with copies of pictures of the victim's bra," he said, handing the folder with the picture in it to Grissom.
"Well, we already know the bra was moved," Grissom said. "Sara filed a supplemental report to that effect."
"I know. I wish she'd mentioned her relationship with the EMT who moved the bra," Philip said.
Sara fought back the urge to vomit all over herself. This was not happening.
"Relationship?" Grissom asked, in the tone someone else might have said, "Decapitation?"
"A Hank Peddigrew."
Grissom turned and looked at Sara with a very interesting look in his eyes. Sara couldn't handle it. She turned to look at Phillip.
"We just interviewed him. He says he thanked her for letting him move thebra back," Philip said snottily.
The damage had already been done, but Sara quickly said anyway, "He was just, uh, being polite and, um, it's not a relationship. We go to movies--"
Grissom interrupted her. "Doc? Why don't you and I go to my office? We can talk there."
Before Grissom left the room, he turned and gave Sara a look that nearly broke her. If she'd have known any better, she would have even thought that he actually cared.
When she was alone in the room, she thought, how dare he look at me like that. How dare he give me any kind of indication that he gives a shit about Hank Peddigrew. How dare he give me one single sliver of hope that he was hurt by my feelings for someone else. It made her so angry she wanted to kick something, or somebody.
Where did we go wrong? She thought sadly.
But it wasn't over. Marjorie Westcott, Tom's infamous lawyer who earned the nickname "Soundbite" Westcott, put all the CSIs on the stand to try to prove their incompetence. She did a good job with Nick and Warrick, first by catching Nick on not properly documenting evidence and then by attacking Warrick with his former gambling addiction.
Before it was Sara's turn, she went to Grissom's office. After a conversation about the case, Sara suddenly noticed Grissom looking her over. She felt a little strange being all dressed up for this court appearance, but she did think she looked decent.
"You look nice," he said.
She was too tired and too frustrated by his actions to get herself too excited about an actual compliment coming from the mouth of Gil Grissom.
"Thanks." She said, not bothering to smile.
After a few seconds, she said, "Wish me luck."
She turned to leave when she heard Grissom say, "Sara?"
She turned around to face him.
"Whatever happens in court, it's not because you're seeing this guy." He stopped to think for a moment. "You deserve to have a life."
Sara left before she could say what she was thinking...why don't I deserve to have a life with you?
In court, Marjorie "Soundbite" Westcott did her best to bring Sara down. She brought up Sara's relationship with Hank, She said Sara got emotionally involved with men on her cases, and Hank wasn't the first one. She mentioned Sara rubbing Grissom's cheek from that case almost a year ago. Sara couldn't believe anyone saw her do that and she tried her best not to look completely humiliated. She let her guard down once, one damn time, and she gets asked about it in court a year later. What other kind of pain could these strange feelings she had for Grissom cause?
Before Sara was dismissed, Marjorie had one more thing to say.
"Just how far will Ms. Sidle go on the evidence to please her boss, Gil Grissom, whether he returns her attentions or not?"
Excellent question, Sara thought.
*********
Just a few days later, Sara was enjoying her day off with Hank. He took her to a vineyard in Pahrump. She tried to put Gil Grissom far out of her mind and tried to have a fun day with her, well, boyfriend. They drank wine and laughed and held hands while taking a tour of the winery. I could get used to this, she thought.
Unfortunately, their lovely day was short lived. Grissom paged Sara to come help with a crime scene. In an attempt to forget about work and enjoy her day off, she left her pager in the car, so she didn't notice his page until 30 minutes after he sent it.
"Oh, shit!"
"What is it?" Hank said, looking down at her pager.
"It's Grissom. We gotta go, Hank, I'm sorry."
"Don't worry, I know how it is," he said. Pahrump is a good hour and 15 minutes from Vegas, but Hank managed to get them there in just under 50 minutes. She got in her own car and raced to the crime scene, where she was confronted by a very grumpy Grissom, who told her he paged her 2 hours ago. She didn't say, "actually, it was about an hour and a half, but whatever."
She told him she was in Pahrump. She also added that he told her to get a life, and she was only trying to do what he said.
"Did I?" He said, and she couldn't help but notice how bitter he sounded.
He then sent her solo to a local high school that contained a dead cheerleader. On her way there, she thought about how very strange he was acting. She didn't want to think that it was only because she had a boyfriend. It couldn't be that simple, could it? She'd been nothing but available for the last 2 years, and now that she was going to movies with someone, he was bitter?
Later, when she was done with the case at the high school, which somehow involved students taking PCP and apparently trying to eat each other, she stopped by Grissom's office. He was, as usual, reading a case file. She loved how predictable he was. She loved how intense he was about his work. She loved how sexy he looked when he was reading a case file.
"Good night," she said.
Before she could make her quick planned escape, he said, "Nice work on the high school case."
Sara took a deep breath. She needed to say something, anything, to this man who somehow seemed to know how to press all her buttons even better than her own boyfriend.
"I'm, uh, I'm sorry I missed your page. It's just, you tell me to get a life, and I get one, and then you expect me to be there at a moment's notice. It's, um, confusing."
There, she thought. Let him think about that one for a while.
For a few months, she and Grissom seemed to call a truce. They managed to work together side by side without getting to any embarrassing situations that she could later be called out on in court. Sometimes, when she got too close to him and again saw that look in his eyes that never seemed to fade, she wished things could be different. But there wasn't much she could do about it now.
Indeed, her relationship with Hank was getting more interesting as the months went by. She let some of her walls down and let him in. He seemed grateful for this and rewarded her with more affection and closeness that she had received in a long, long time. She even let herself think about maybe moving in with him someday. The thought of sharing her living space with someone in the past scared her to death, but she didn't think it would be so bad with Hank.
And then came the car accident.
It wasn't her car accident, or even his car accident. It was the case of a on older woman who drove her Jag into the window of a restaurant. A restaurant, as it turned out, where Hank had been eating at the time with a woman Sara later found out was his girlfriend Elaine. Sara found this out when she went to Elaine's house to ask her questions about a case. Her heart sank when she noticed a picture of Elaine with Hank. Elaine noticed Sara looking at the picture, and happily informed her that she was taking Hank to Tahiti because last year, he took her to Hawaii. It took a lot for Sara not to say Oh, well, he must have forgotten to mention that when we were in bed together last night. How interesting.
Later, she would tell Catherine over a pitcher of beer at a cheap bar, "I trusted him. I actually thought it might be okay this time."
Catherine had laughed and put her hand on Sara's.
"Honey, don't ever think that. You can let your guard down a little, but never think it's going to be okay. The minute you do, they can somehow sense it. And it all goes downhill from there."
Sara was the other woman. She had been a lot of things in her life, but "the other woman" was a first, and she didn't like it.
When Sara got back to the lab, she found Hank waiting for her in the hall. She knew she could say a lot of things in a lot of different ways to this man, and oh how she wanted to. She let him into her mind, and her heart, and even her bedroom, and ended up getting burned for the effort. So there were a few things that she could have said when she came face to face with the man that betrayed her.
"I heard you met Elaine," Hank said.
"Yeah. She's really something."
Hank didn't say anything, instead choosing to stare at the ground.
"I didn't tell her about us, if that's what you're wondering."
"I'm really sorry, Sara," he said.
Not sorry enough, she thought.
Instead she said, "See you around."
Catherine, who seemed to know what happened before Sara did, managed to convince her to grab a beer. It turned into many beers, and she found herself enjoying bonding with her only female co-worker. She and Catherine had not much been on speaking terms for the last couple of weeks, ever since Sara was unable bring justice to the murder of Catherine's ex-husband Eddie. It felt nice to talk to Catherine on a friendly basis again. Sara never had a lot of female friends, and she felt like she and Catherine had an understanding.
They talked about men and sex and everything else 2 drunken women could discuss. The words "Gil Grissom" never passed either of their lips, but he was all Sara could think about. She couldn't help but wonder, what does this mean for us?
*********
Gil Grissom felt like an old man. His hair was turning gray, for one thing. He noticed more wrinkles forming on a daily basis. His knees popped whenever he stood up. And all around him, his younger employees were solving cases and having fun and starting relationships, and this made him feel older than ever.
Not to mention his hearing problem. He was going to have to do something about that soon, but he just didn't want to face what was truly happening to him. He couldn't let himself think about going deaf like his mother. It would definitely make a huge impact on his career. He'd never be able to listen to opera again. And he'd never hear the deep tones of Sara's voice again.
Grissom had seen Sara's boyfriend a few times before. And he wondered what in God's name she saw in that guy. Sure, this "Hank" was pleasant enough, but did he really understand her? Did he treat her right? Did he wake her up in the morning with a deep, passionate kiss and tell her how much he loved her? Because, Gil thought, that was what she deserved. And that's what Gil couldn't give her.
He would never admit to anyone that he was the slightest bit jealous, but he knew Sara could tell. And he knew it frustrated her. It was crazy, this relationship they seemed to have. She could basically read him like a book while he tried everything possible not to let her. He wondered what would happen if he just gave in and see what happened, but it was futile at this point. She had a boyfriend. He would always be too late.
And then, a case brought him back to Lady Heather. He was almost relieved when he entered the Domain yet again. Sometimes he'd find himself thinking about this mysterious woman and how perhaps he'd like to get to know her better. She was attractive and intelligent and seemed to have a basic understanding of people and their motivations, and he couldn't help but find that fascinating.
Grissom and Brass were hot on the case of a Trey Buchman, found dead at a popular club that seemed to be more of a sex club than a dance club. Trey Buchman was a gigolo at the domain, which led them to Lady Heather. When they entered the familiar territory of the domain, they heard the usual screams of satisfied men, and the usual yelling of dominating females. Brass seemed impressed and intrigued by the situation, while Gil could barely hear the voice of someone who was talking to him directly, much less background noise.
Heather seemed to pick up on this right away. She took the men on sort of a tour of her domain, showing them her foray into the online world. She called it "voyeurism in a brave new world." Gil couldn't help but add, "What would Aldous Huxley think?"
She smiled and told him, "If his credit card were valid, he could say anything he wanted at $3.95 per minute. Do you like my lipstick?"
Gil didn't know what to say. He knew she was onto him already. This woman, basically a stranger to him, figured out in minutes what nobody else he worked closely with could even come close to guessing. It was slightly unnerving.
"Why?" He asked, feeling dumb.
"Because you've been staring at my lips."
"You have lovely lips," he said. And it wasn't a lie. She did have lovely lips, all the evidence was present for it to be considered a fact.
Brass looked at this scene before him and apparently decided he needed to get Gil Grissom right the hell out of there, because before Grissom knew it, Brass was thanking Lady Heather for her time and hauling ass for the domain's doors.
Later, at the lab, Grissom heard about the unfortunate death of Catherine's ex-husband. He never liked Eddie. He hated what the man did to Catherine; he almost broke her, and Catherine wasn't the type to break easily. But he knew Catherine was upset, and her daughter would be missing a father. Having lost his own father at such a young age, he felt for the girl.
He tried his hardest to comfort Catherine, but he couldn't seem to find the right words, and he could tell she took no comfort in the words he did say. He watches while Catherine walks into the AV booth where Warrick and Nick are, and they do seem to have the right words to comfort their friend. Gil found himself wondering how it came so easily to others. He wondered if he'd ever know how to say the right thing. It was something he came to terms with early in his life, but it still got him in trouble in the most desperate of situations.
After following more leads in the case of Trey Buchman, Gil found himself back at Lady Heather's, this time by himself. Trey Buchman was hired by a Steven McCormick. Steven found that his girlfriend was not as experienced sexually as he would have liked, so he hired Trey to give her more experience, so to speak. When he found that his wife gained the experience he wanted, they were married. Grissom found himself in a heated discussion with Heather about the dominant-submissive relationship.
Grissom was intrigued by this meeting of the dominant and submissive mind. He learned from his conversations with Heather that in her world, the submissive was he one with the real power. All they had to do was say "stop," and the dominant partner had to stop. It was in the rules. Grissom liked the idea of a relationship based on rules. More than that, he was starting to like the idea of Heather. Because despite her reputation and the career she had chosen, Heather was safe. She understood him and he seemed to understand her as well. There was no mystery to this relationship. There was a rhyme and a reason and everything made sense. She was the complete opposite of Sara in his mind, and at that point in his life, that was all he wanted.
Heather told him he was a good listener when he told her what he learned about the world of the domain. He said it was all part of the job.
"This is work?" Heather asked, looking him in the eye and making things stir inside him that only one other woman had ever managed to stir before.
"Yes," he said. "But I value your insight."
Lady Heather smiled as she said, "I'm flattered. But you already seem to know the answers to your questions. You keep me in proximity when I walk away and when I'm close, you watch my lips. Are you losing your hearing?" She took a step towards him as she talked, and he resisted the urge to step back. He found that he didn't want to, which came as a surprise.
"I'm losing my balance," he said honestly.
"Your sense of self?"
"No. I know who I am."
"Do you?" She asked.
He nodded. "Yes, I do."
He reached out and moved an errant hair from her face. She closed her eyes and let him. He just wanted to touch her. More than that, he wanted to not want to touch her. He wanted to turn away, to find Sara and say all the things he'd been meaning to say. But Sara was far away, and she had somebody else to tell her those things now. He desired Heather, and so he gave into his desires. He was a man, she was a woman, and he couldn't think of any reason why this was wrong. So he put both hands on her face, looking at her deeply, allowing her presence into his universe.
"You can always say stop," Grissom said softly.
"So can you," she said.
He allowed her to lead him to her bedroom in the domain. As she closed the door and feasted her eyes upon him in the most primitive of ways, he let all thoughts of Sara slowly fade from his mind.
Well, that relationship ended as soon as it started. It turned out, women didn't really like it when you accused them of murder. Over tea the next morning, Heather revealed that she was a diabetic and used an injector. She asked Grissom if he wanted to see it, and he did. Mostly because an injector was used to kill Trey Buchman, and he now had a new lead in his case. He told her he would like to see it, but he would need a warrant. To prove his point, he took out his phone and called for a warrant to open Heather's medical aid kit. Heather did not look happy. Actually, she looked rather sad.
"I think I just heard you say stop," she said.
Later, after he figured out her injector had nothing to do with his case, he found him sitting in his truck across the street from the domain. He messed this one up big time. He hurt her, just like he always seemed to hurt Sara, and he felt maybe it was time to throw in the towel when it came to the opposite sex. He had a good 15 years left of his career; maybe he could just focus on that and leave the relationship stuff behind. His career was always there for him in the end, he reasoned.
Plus, the situation with his hearing was getting worse by the day. He finally decided to talk to Doc Robbins about it. The doctor gently poked around in Gil's ear and said, "I wish you'd come to me sooner. Your condition's pretty far along. Why did you wait?"
Gil shrugged and said, "I hoped it would go away." He knew it was ridiculous, but that was the true reason.
"Doesn't your mother have this condition?"
Gil acknowledged that yes, she did in fact have that condition. He admitted that his thinking wasn't exactly rational.
"Look, Gil, I'm not going to preach to you," Doc Robbins said. "You came to me, but doctor to doctor, there's a chance the bone deposits have spread into the inner ear, in which case, your hearing loss will eventually be permanent. If I were you, I'd schedule surgery as soon as possible."
So Gil did just that. He found a doctor willing to schedule him as soon as possible. He finally let out a sigh of relief that he was finally going to do something about his hearing.
What he didn't know was what he would do about Sara. A few weeks ago, she and Greg had been injured in a explosion that took out half the lab. He never asked her what she was doing so close to the explosion and she never told him. All he knew was when he was that after the explosion, after he saw an ambulance take a badly burned Greg away, he saw Sara sitting down on the curb, looking dazed and somewhat scared. He rushed over and saw that she had a few cuts, and she looked a tiny bit out of it.
"Are you okay?" He asked, very much concerned for her.
"Uh-huh," she said, looking at him distractedly.
He looked at her closely and noticed she had a deep cut on her hand.
"Honey, this doesn't look good." Honey? Where the hell did that come from?He had no idea, but it was too late to worry about it now.
Sara tried to convince him that her hand was fine, but he insisted she would need stitches. She didn't seem to care much for that, but before she could say anything else, Gil was getting the paramedics to come take a look at her hand. He was glad Hank wasn't on the scene; he'd heard confidentially from Catherine that he was apparently a cheating bastard. He acted like that was completely useless information to him when Catherine casually brought it up in conversation, but this piece of news angered him in a way he wasn't really sure how to process. Sara didn't deserve that. She deserved better. She deserved the best.
Brass told Gil later that Sara seemed to think she developed superhero powers from the explosion. While she and Brass were checking out the apartment of a man they were trying to track down, she went into a room that hadn't been cleared yet and found the suspect hiding from the police. She shouted, "I found him!" Brass couldn't believe what happened and really reamed her out for doing what every CSI had been trained not to do.
This concerned Grissom and he wondered if he should talk to her about it. But, he figured, they were way past the point of sharing their feelings with each other. That ship had sailed a long, long time ago, before Hank and before Heather and before a lab explosion shook her up beyond recognition.
A few nights later, Grissom was sitting in his office, about to leave. He had the night off and was going to get some barbecue, go home and read his new entomology textbook he just bought. He couldn't think of anything he'd rather do. That is, until Sara came into his office.
"Do you have a minute?" She asked, that dazed look she had after the explosion still on her face.
"I was just leaving."
She said she knew was off that night, and so was she. He told her she should be on paid leave.
"You were fortunate, and I'm not talking about the explosion," he added.
"You talked to Brass," she said, looking sad.
He nodded. “And Nick.”
"They got the guy," she said, trying to defend herself.
"Is that all you have to say?"
He was expecting her to try to defend herself again, or maybe ask for some time off to get her head together. He would have given it to her gladly; the lab explosion really did seem to shake her up.
Instead, she said, "Would you like to have dinner with me?"
So there it was. She was asking him out, and now he would have to come up with an answer. There in his office, while he was on the verge of needing surgery so he wouldn't go deaf, while his friend and colleague Catherine was at fault for the explosion of the lab and now she was on unpaid suspension because of it, and while he felt so damn old he could barely even recognize himself anymore. Did he want to go to dinner with Sara Sidle? Absolutely. Could he go to dinner with Sara Sidle? Absolutely not.
He figured he was saving them both from weeks, months, maybe years of needless pain when he simply said, "No."
What she said next nearly killed him.
"Why not? Let's...let's have dinner. Let's see what happens."
He sighed. And he said, "Sara, I don't know what to do about this."
He thought that would be it. He thought he was telling her the truth, and she would appreciate that. He thought by acknowledging that there was something, there was this, she would know that he felt something for her. But she didn't. She couldn't take it at face value. She didn't know he was trying to say, "There is something between us, but I don't know what it is. Give me time, and maybe I'll figure it out."
Instead, she said, "I do. You know, by the time you figure it out, it could be too late."
She walked out of his office before he had a chance to say...it already is.
Author: Butliz
Rating: Teen
Spoilers: Everything through 7x24
Disclaimer: I so don't own them.
Summary: Sara's mother is sick, and Sara feels like she's finally ready to face the past. But how will that effect her future? A look at Sara and Grissom's past, present and future. As always, thanks to the tireless beta-ness of GSFanatic.
Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
Okay, y’all, I really agonized over this particular chapter. It’s really, really long, but trust me, if you liked the chapters before this, you’ll really like this one. And if you would like to leave a comment or feedback, that would be awesome because I really hurt my brain over this one. And thanks again to GSFanatic, who is the awesome with her mad beta skillz.
Vegas, year 3
Sara found herself starting her third year in Vegas with a boyfriend. She hated that term, "boyfriend," but it seemed like that was what Hank Peddigrew was turning out to be. Hank was an okay guy. He treated her just fine, they had interesting conversations, and he was a decent kisser. He was from the area and took her to places she'd never been to around Vegas, like amusement parks and wineries and hole in the wall restaurants. They didn't spend a whole lot of time together because of their different schedules, but when they did, it was nice.
Still, when she found herself without his company, she was just as happy as when she was spending time with him. She did wonder if that was how it was supposed to be. Wasn't she supposed to look forward to spending time with her boyfriend? To think about the relationship progressing past casually dating made her nervous. They'd been together about for almost 6 months and hadn't even spent the night together yet.
For some reason she couldn't quite figure out, she didn't want Grissom to know about Hank. That wasn't quite working out for her. Warrick told her that he and Grissom were just at a crime scene where Hank told him to "say hi to Sara" for him. Sara could only imagine what Grissom felt about that. He probably thought how unprofessional it was to date someone she worked with on a regular basis. Sara could only laugh at the irony.
However, Grissom might have had a point there. Sara was processing the scene of a double murder involving a popular movie actor named Tom Haviland. Sara was taking pictures of the bed when Hank made his way to the room.
"I need to talk to you," Hank told her.
Sara tried hard to not sound annoyed when she said, "Uh, can it wait until after work?"
"It's about work," Hank said nervously. "When I tried to revive the victim the bra was in the way, so I repositioned it. I didn't think about it until I was at the elevator."
Sara asked him where it was exactly. He pointed and she moved the bra to the right location, snapping a few pictures.
"Thanks," Hank said, looking at her gratefully.
"Thanks? Thanks nothing. I'm going to have to put it in my report. 'Evidence moved due to life-saving efforts' with before and after pictures."
"Sorry," Hank said, looking just a little bit pitiful.
Sara smiled as Hank left as quickly as he entered. After work, they'd laugh about how ridiculous the procedures of their job could be, but for now, she had to take it seriously.
As the case opened up, it received nationwide media attention. Tom hired the best lawyers money could buy, and to show how dirty his team could play, they brought in Phillip Gerard. Not only was Phillip a top forensic scientist, he was also Gil Grissom's mentor. Sara could tell Grissom had very conflicting feelings about this.
At one point during the investigation, she and Gil were analyzing a sheet with a waffle-shaped bloody imprint on it. They were talking about the particulars of the case when they heard the shutter of a camera click behind them. They both turned around to see Philip taking pictures of the evidence.
"Sorry, Gil, just doing my job," he said, a fake smile plastered on his face.
Grissom introduced Sara to Philip and they talked about the case and how Sara handled the evidence for a bit. Then Philip made Sara want to crawl under a rock and stay there for maybe a year or two with his next piece of conversation.
"DA just provided me with copies of pictures of the victim's bra," he said, handing the folder with the picture in it to Grissom.
"Well, we already know the bra was moved," Grissom said. "Sara filed a supplemental report to that effect."
"I know. I wish she'd mentioned her relationship with the EMT who moved the bra," Philip said.
Sara fought back the urge to vomit all over herself. This was not happening.
"Relationship?" Grissom asked, in the tone someone else might have said, "Decapitation?"
"A Hank Peddigrew."
Grissom turned and looked at Sara with a very interesting look in his eyes. Sara couldn't handle it. She turned to look at Phillip.
"We just interviewed him. He says he thanked her for letting him move thebra back," Philip said snottily.
The damage had already been done, but Sara quickly said anyway, "He was just, uh, being polite and, um, it's not a relationship. We go to movies--"
Grissom interrupted her. "Doc? Why don't you and I go to my office? We can talk there."
Before Grissom left the room, he turned and gave Sara a look that nearly broke her. If she'd have known any better, she would have even thought that he actually cared.
When she was alone in the room, she thought, how dare he look at me like that. How dare he give me any kind of indication that he gives a shit about Hank Peddigrew. How dare he give me one single sliver of hope that he was hurt by my feelings for someone else. It made her so angry she wanted to kick something, or somebody.
Where did we go wrong? She thought sadly.
But it wasn't over. Marjorie Westcott, Tom's infamous lawyer who earned the nickname "Soundbite" Westcott, put all the CSIs on the stand to try to prove their incompetence. She did a good job with Nick and Warrick, first by catching Nick on not properly documenting evidence and then by attacking Warrick with his former gambling addiction.
Before it was Sara's turn, she went to Grissom's office. After a conversation about the case, Sara suddenly noticed Grissom looking her over. She felt a little strange being all dressed up for this court appearance, but she did think she looked decent.
"You look nice," he said.
She was too tired and too frustrated by his actions to get herself too excited about an actual compliment coming from the mouth of Gil Grissom.
"Thanks." She said, not bothering to smile.
After a few seconds, she said, "Wish me luck."
She turned to leave when she heard Grissom say, "Sara?"
She turned around to face him.
"Whatever happens in court, it's not because you're seeing this guy." He stopped to think for a moment. "You deserve to have a life."
Sara left before she could say what she was thinking...why don't I deserve to have a life with you?
In court, Marjorie "Soundbite" Westcott did her best to bring Sara down. She brought up Sara's relationship with Hank, She said Sara got emotionally involved with men on her cases, and Hank wasn't the first one. She mentioned Sara rubbing Grissom's cheek from that case almost a year ago. Sara couldn't believe anyone saw her do that and she tried her best not to look completely humiliated. She let her guard down once, one damn time, and she gets asked about it in court a year later. What other kind of pain could these strange feelings she had for Grissom cause?
Before Sara was dismissed, Marjorie had one more thing to say.
"Just how far will Ms. Sidle go on the evidence to please her boss, Gil Grissom, whether he returns her attentions or not?"
Excellent question, Sara thought.
*********
Just a few days later, Sara was enjoying her day off with Hank. He took her to a vineyard in Pahrump. She tried to put Gil Grissom far out of her mind and tried to have a fun day with her, well, boyfriend. They drank wine and laughed and held hands while taking a tour of the winery. I could get used to this, she thought.
Unfortunately, their lovely day was short lived. Grissom paged Sara to come help with a crime scene. In an attempt to forget about work and enjoy her day off, she left her pager in the car, so she didn't notice his page until 30 minutes after he sent it.
"Oh, shit!"
"What is it?" Hank said, looking down at her pager.
"It's Grissom. We gotta go, Hank, I'm sorry."
"Don't worry, I know how it is," he said. Pahrump is a good hour and 15 minutes from Vegas, but Hank managed to get them there in just under 50 minutes. She got in her own car and raced to the crime scene, where she was confronted by a very grumpy Grissom, who told her he paged her 2 hours ago. She didn't say, "actually, it was about an hour and a half, but whatever."
She told him she was in Pahrump. She also added that he told her to get a life, and she was only trying to do what he said.
"Did I?" He said, and she couldn't help but notice how bitter he sounded.
He then sent her solo to a local high school that contained a dead cheerleader. On her way there, she thought about how very strange he was acting. She didn't want to think that it was only because she had a boyfriend. It couldn't be that simple, could it? She'd been nothing but available for the last 2 years, and now that she was going to movies with someone, he was bitter?
Later, when she was done with the case at the high school, which somehow involved students taking PCP and apparently trying to eat each other, she stopped by Grissom's office. He was, as usual, reading a case file. She loved how predictable he was. She loved how intense he was about his work. She loved how sexy he looked when he was reading a case file.
"Good night," she said.
Before she could make her quick planned escape, he said, "Nice work on the high school case."
Sara took a deep breath. She needed to say something, anything, to this man who somehow seemed to know how to press all her buttons even better than her own boyfriend.
"I'm, uh, I'm sorry I missed your page. It's just, you tell me to get a life, and I get one, and then you expect me to be there at a moment's notice. It's, um, confusing."
There, she thought. Let him think about that one for a while.
For a few months, she and Grissom seemed to call a truce. They managed to work together side by side without getting to any embarrassing situations that she could later be called out on in court. Sometimes, when she got too close to him and again saw that look in his eyes that never seemed to fade, she wished things could be different. But there wasn't much she could do about it now.
Indeed, her relationship with Hank was getting more interesting as the months went by. She let some of her walls down and let him in. He seemed grateful for this and rewarded her with more affection and closeness that she had received in a long, long time. She even let herself think about maybe moving in with him someday. The thought of sharing her living space with someone in the past scared her to death, but she didn't think it would be so bad with Hank.
And then came the car accident.
It wasn't her car accident, or even his car accident. It was the case of a on older woman who drove her Jag into the window of a restaurant. A restaurant, as it turned out, where Hank had been eating at the time with a woman Sara later found out was his girlfriend Elaine. Sara found this out when she went to Elaine's house to ask her questions about a case. Her heart sank when she noticed a picture of Elaine with Hank. Elaine noticed Sara looking at the picture, and happily informed her that she was taking Hank to Tahiti because last year, he took her to Hawaii. It took a lot for Sara not to say Oh, well, he must have forgotten to mention that when we were in bed together last night. How interesting.
Later, she would tell Catherine over a pitcher of beer at a cheap bar, "I trusted him. I actually thought it might be okay this time."
Catherine had laughed and put her hand on Sara's.
"Honey, don't ever think that. You can let your guard down a little, but never think it's going to be okay. The minute you do, they can somehow sense it. And it all goes downhill from there."
Sara was the other woman. She had been a lot of things in her life, but "the other woman" was a first, and she didn't like it.
When Sara got back to the lab, she found Hank waiting for her in the hall. She knew she could say a lot of things in a lot of different ways to this man, and oh how she wanted to. She let him into her mind, and her heart, and even her bedroom, and ended up getting burned for the effort. So there were a few things that she could have said when she came face to face with the man that betrayed her.
"I heard you met Elaine," Hank said.
"Yeah. She's really something."
Hank didn't say anything, instead choosing to stare at the ground.
"I didn't tell her about us, if that's what you're wondering."
"I'm really sorry, Sara," he said.
Not sorry enough, she thought.
Instead she said, "See you around."
Catherine, who seemed to know what happened before Sara did, managed to convince her to grab a beer. It turned into many beers, and she found herself enjoying bonding with her only female co-worker. She and Catherine had not much been on speaking terms for the last couple of weeks, ever since Sara was unable bring justice to the murder of Catherine's ex-husband Eddie. It felt nice to talk to Catherine on a friendly basis again. Sara never had a lot of female friends, and she felt like she and Catherine had an understanding.
They talked about men and sex and everything else 2 drunken women could discuss. The words "Gil Grissom" never passed either of their lips, but he was all Sara could think about. She couldn't help but wonder, what does this mean for us?
*********
Gil Grissom felt like an old man. His hair was turning gray, for one thing. He noticed more wrinkles forming on a daily basis. His knees popped whenever he stood up. And all around him, his younger employees were solving cases and having fun and starting relationships, and this made him feel older than ever.
Not to mention his hearing problem. He was going to have to do something about that soon, but he just didn't want to face what was truly happening to him. He couldn't let himself think about going deaf like his mother. It would definitely make a huge impact on his career. He'd never be able to listen to opera again. And he'd never hear the deep tones of Sara's voice again.
Grissom had seen Sara's boyfriend a few times before. And he wondered what in God's name she saw in that guy. Sure, this "Hank" was pleasant enough, but did he really understand her? Did he treat her right? Did he wake her up in the morning with a deep, passionate kiss and tell her how much he loved her? Because, Gil thought, that was what she deserved. And that's what Gil couldn't give her.
He would never admit to anyone that he was the slightest bit jealous, but he knew Sara could tell. And he knew it frustrated her. It was crazy, this relationship they seemed to have. She could basically read him like a book while he tried everything possible not to let her. He wondered what would happen if he just gave in and see what happened, but it was futile at this point. She had a boyfriend. He would always be too late.
And then, a case brought him back to Lady Heather. He was almost relieved when he entered the Domain yet again. Sometimes he'd find himself thinking about this mysterious woman and how perhaps he'd like to get to know her better. She was attractive and intelligent and seemed to have a basic understanding of people and their motivations, and he couldn't help but find that fascinating.
Grissom and Brass were hot on the case of a Trey Buchman, found dead at a popular club that seemed to be more of a sex club than a dance club. Trey Buchman was a gigolo at the domain, which led them to Lady Heather. When they entered the familiar territory of the domain, they heard the usual screams of satisfied men, and the usual yelling of dominating females. Brass seemed impressed and intrigued by the situation, while Gil could barely hear the voice of someone who was talking to him directly, much less background noise.
Heather seemed to pick up on this right away. She took the men on sort of a tour of her domain, showing them her foray into the online world. She called it "voyeurism in a brave new world." Gil couldn't help but add, "What would Aldous Huxley think?"
She smiled and told him, "If his credit card were valid, he could say anything he wanted at $3.95 per minute. Do you like my lipstick?"
Gil didn't know what to say. He knew she was onto him already. This woman, basically a stranger to him, figured out in minutes what nobody else he worked closely with could even come close to guessing. It was slightly unnerving.
"Why?" He asked, feeling dumb.
"Because you've been staring at my lips."
"You have lovely lips," he said. And it wasn't a lie. She did have lovely lips, all the evidence was present for it to be considered a fact.
Brass looked at this scene before him and apparently decided he needed to get Gil Grissom right the hell out of there, because before Grissom knew it, Brass was thanking Lady Heather for her time and hauling ass for the domain's doors.
Later, at the lab, Grissom heard about the unfortunate death of Catherine's ex-husband. He never liked Eddie. He hated what the man did to Catherine; he almost broke her, and Catherine wasn't the type to break easily. But he knew Catherine was upset, and her daughter would be missing a father. Having lost his own father at such a young age, he felt for the girl.
He tried his hardest to comfort Catherine, but he couldn't seem to find the right words, and he could tell she took no comfort in the words he did say. He watches while Catherine walks into the AV booth where Warrick and Nick are, and they do seem to have the right words to comfort their friend. Gil found himself wondering how it came so easily to others. He wondered if he'd ever know how to say the right thing. It was something he came to terms with early in his life, but it still got him in trouble in the most desperate of situations.
After following more leads in the case of Trey Buchman, Gil found himself back at Lady Heather's, this time by himself. Trey Buchman was hired by a Steven McCormick. Steven found that his girlfriend was not as experienced sexually as he would have liked, so he hired Trey to give her more experience, so to speak. When he found that his wife gained the experience he wanted, they were married. Grissom found himself in a heated discussion with Heather about the dominant-submissive relationship.
Grissom was intrigued by this meeting of the dominant and submissive mind. He learned from his conversations with Heather that in her world, the submissive was he one with the real power. All they had to do was say "stop," and the dominant partner had to stop. It was in the rules. Grissom liked the idea of a relationship based on rules. More than that, he was starting to like the idea of Heather. Because despite her reputation and the career she had chosen, Heather was safe. She understood him and he seemed to understand her as well. There was no mystery to this relationship. There was a rhyme and a reason and everything made sense. She was the complete opposite of Sara in his mind, and at that point in his life, that was all he wanted.
Heather told him he was a good listener when he told her what he learned about the world of the domain. He said it was all part of the job.
"This is work?" Heather asked, looking him in the eye and making things stir inside him that only one other woman had ever managed to stir before.
"Yes," he said. "But I value your insight."
Lady Heather smiled as she said, "I'm flattered. But you already seem to know the answers to your questions. You keep me in proximity when I walk away and when I'm close, you watch my lips. Are you losing your hearing?" She took a step towards him as she talked, and he resisted the urge to step back. He found that he didn't want to, which came as a surprise.
"I'm losing my balance," he said honestly.
"Your sense of self?"
"No. I know who I am."
"Do you?" She asked.
He nodded. "Yes, I do."
He reached out and moved an errant hair from her face. She closed her eyes and let him. He just wanted to touch her. More than that, he wanted to not want to touch her. He wanted to turn away, to find Sara and say all the things he'd been meaning to say. But Sara was far away, and she had somebody else to tell her those things now. He desired Heather, and so he gave into his desires. He was a man, she was a woman, and he couldn't think of any reason why this was wrong. So he put both hands on her face, looking at her deeply, allowing her presence into his universe.
"You can always say stop," Grissom said softly.
"So can you," she said.
He allowed her to lead him to her bedroom in the domain. As she closed the door and feasted her eyes upon him in the most primitive of ways, he let all thoughts of Sara slowly fade from his mind.
Well, that relationship ended as soon as it started. It turned out, women didn't really like it when you accused them of murder. Over tea the next morning, Heather revealed that she was a diabetic and used an injector. She asked Grissom if he wanted to see it, and he did. Mostly because an injector was used to kill Trey Buchman, and he now had a new lead in his case. He told her he would like to see it, but he would need a warrant. To prove his point, he took out his phone and called for a warrant to open Heather's medical aid kit. Heather did not look happy. Actually, she looked rather sad.
"I think I just heard you say stop," she said.
Later, after he figured out her injector had nothing to do with his case, he found him sitting in his truck across the street from the domain. He messed this one up big time. He hurt her, just like he always seemed to hurt Sara, and he felt maybe it was time to throw in the towel when it came to the opposite sex. He had a good 15 years left of his career; maybe he could just focus on that and leave the relationship stuff behind. His career was always there for him in the end, he reasoned.
Plus, the situation with his hearing was getting worse by the day. He finally decided to talk to Doc Robbins about it. The doctor gently poked around in Gil's ear and said, "I wish you'd come to me sooner. Your condition's pretty far along. Why did you wait?"
Gil shrugged and said, "I hoped it would go away." He knew it was ridiculous, but that was the true reason.
"Doesn't your mother have this condition?"
Gil acknowledged that yes, she did in fact have that condition. He admitted that his thinking wasn't exactly rational.
"Look, Gil, I'm not going to preach to you," Doc Robbins said. "You came to me, but doctor to doctor, there's a chance the bone deposits have spread into the inner ear, in which case, your hearing loss will eventually be permanent. If I were you, I'd schedule surgery as soon as possible."
So Gil did just that. He found a doctor willing to schedule him as soon as possible. He finally let out a sigh of relief that he was finally going to do something about his hearing.
What he didn't know was what he would do about Sara. A few weeks ago, she and Greg had been injured in a explosion that took out half the lab. He never asked her what she was doing so close to the explosion and she never told him. All he knew was when he was that after the explosion, after he saw an ambulance take a badly burned Greg away, he saw Sara sitting down on the curb, looking dazed and somewhat scared. He rushed over and saw that she had a few cuts, and she looked a tiny bit out of it.
"Are you okay?" He asked, very much concerned for her.
"Uh-huh," she said, looking at him distractedly.
He looked at her closely and noticed she had a deep cut on her hand.
"Honey, this doesn't look good." Honey? Where the hell did that come from?He had no idea, but it was too late to worry about it now.
Sara tried to convince him that her hand was fine, but he insisted she would need stitches. She didn't seem to care much for that, but before she could say anything else, Gil was getting the paramedics to come take a look at her hand. He was glad Hank wasn't on the scene; he'd heard confidentially from Catherine that he was apparently a cheating bastard. He acted like that was completely useless information to him when Catherine casually brought it up in conversation, but this piece of news angered him in a way he wasn't really sure how to process. Sara didn't deserve that. She deserved better. She deserved the best.
Brass told Gil later that Sara seemed to think she developed superhero powers from the explosion. While she and Brass were checking out the apartment of a man they were trying to track down, she went into a room that hadn't been cleared yet and found the suspect hiding from the police. She shouted, "I found him!" Brass couldn't believe what happened and really reamed her out for doing what every CSI had been trained not to do.
This concerned Grissom and he wondered if he should talk to her about it. But, he figured, they were way past the point of sharing their feelings with each other. That ship had sailed a long, long time ago, before Hank and before Heather and before a lab explosion shook her up beyond recognition.
A few nights later, Grissom was sitting in his office, about to leave. He had the night off and was going to get some barbecue, go home and read his new entomology textbook he just bought. He couldn't think of anything he'd rather do. That is, until Sara came into his office.
"Do you have a minute?" She asked, that dazed look she had after the explosion still on her face.
"I was just leaving."
She said she knew was off that night, and so was she. He told her she should be on paid leave.
"You were fortunate, and I'm not talking about the explosion," he added.
"You talked to Brass," she said, looking sad.
He nodded. “And Nick.”
"They got the guy," she said, trying to defend herself.
"Is that all you have to say?"
He was expecting her to try to defend herself again, or maybe ask for some time off to get her head together. He would have given it to her gladly; the lab explosion really did seem to shake her up.
Instead, she said, "Would you like to have dinner with me?"
So there it was. She was asking him out, and now he would have to come up with an answer. There in his office, while he was on the verge of needing surgery so he wouldn't go deaf, while his friend and colleague Catherine was at fault for the explosion of the lab and now she was on unpaid suspension because of it, and while he felt so damn old he could barely even recognize himself anymore. Did he want to go to dinner with Sara Sidle? Absolutely. Could he go to dinner with Sara Sidle? Absolutely not.
He figured he was saving them both from weeks, months, maybe years of needless pain when he simply said, "No."
What she said next nearly killed him.
"Why not? Let's...let's have dinner. Let's see what happens."
He sighed. And he said, "Sara, I don't know what to do about this."
He thought that would be it. He thought he was telling her the truth, and she would appreciate that. He thought by acknowledging that there was something, there was this, she would know that he felt something for her. But she didn't. She couldn't take it at face value. She didn't know he was trying to say, "There is something between us, but I don't know what it is. Give me time, and maybe I'll figure it out."
Instead, she said, "I do. You know, by the time you figure it out, it could be too late."
She walked out of his office before he had a chance to say...it already is.
