Since I Met You - Chapter 8
Jun. 13th, 2007 03:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizwontcryTitle: Since I Met You - Chapter 8
Author: Butliz
Rating: Teen
Spoilers: Everything through 7x24
Disclaimer: I so don't own them.
Summary: Sara's mother is sick, and Sara feels like she's finally ready to face the past. But how will that effect her future? A look at Sara and Grissom's past, present and future. As always, thanks to the tireless beta-ness of GSFanatic.
Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
(Let me know if that's against the rules, 'cause I wasn't quite sure if posting links to past chapters is allowed anymore)
A/N - I obviously took some liberties with the second part of this chapter, as you will see. But it didn't really work for my story to have Sara under a Mustang, so we have this instead. I think it's a little more pleasant, don't you? Anyway, thank you all for the reviews and also: rock on.
When Sara Sidle was 11 years old, she and her brother watched as her mother stabbed her father to death. Robbie and Sara had just gotten home from school, right on time to witness yet another fight between their parents. They were used to it by then and learned to tune certain things out, but there was something different about this fight. Laura Sidle was fighting back this time.
Their father, Jacob, was yelling at his wife about something ridiculous. Laura didn't vacuum that day or she didn't wash his favorite shirt or didn't make the right thing for dinner, it was always something like that.
Robbie was 14 and not content to watch his father abuse his mother anymore. Whenever he could, he tried to get in the middle as a horrified Sara watched. So, Jacob had taken to beating Robbie instead of Laura most of the time now, and Robbie was just fine with that. He'd tell Sara, "One day I'm going to be bigger than him and he won't be able to lay a hand on me or Mom anymore." Sara herself was never on the receiving end of the abuse. No, Jacob liked to assault her verbally.
"Look at you, so skinny and smart and wonderful," Jacob slurred when Sara brought home another report card with all As, or a science project that won a red ribbon. "You think you're going to make it out of this town? I didn't. Your mother didn't. Don't go thinking you're special, missy. You're not. You're just lucky."
The day her mother stabbed her father, Laura had a look in her eye Sara had never seen before. It was, by all definitions, a look of madness. But it was also a look of content. It was a look that seemed to say, "You can yell at me all you want, because I have plans for you." Sure enough, when Jacob started the abuse with his signature move - grabbing her by the hair and moving his hand as if to slap her - Robbie stepped in and yelled, "Hit me! Hit me instead!" And before Jacob could, Laura stepped aside, calmly grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen counter and stabbed Jacob Sidle. 5 times, in fact.
When Laura went on trial, there were no mentions of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or what would later be known as Battered Woman Syndrome. The prosecuting attorney was a pit bull and somehow managed to dig up evidence that Laura herself bought a set of butcher knives 4 days before the stabbing incident occurred. The defense attorney the state provided for Laura was fresh out of law school and a raging alcoholic. Since the prosecutor managed to show that the attack was premeditated, and because her defense attorney was basically useless, and because the jury was stunned when they found out Laura did this in front of Sara and Robbie, Laura received 20 years in prison. Attempts at parole were all denied. It seemed no one would listen to Laura Sidle, not even her own children.
Sara and Robbie were shipped off to foster care. Both of them wanted to talk to their mother, but they were always encouraged not to by those who seemed to know why. When Robbie was 18, he went to see Laura in prison. He called Sara later and said, "When you're old enough, do not go see Mom. She's bitter, and she'll try to break you."
Sara knew Laura was bitter because she sometimes received letters from the prison. Her mother seemed to have adopted a "look how the system screwed me" attitude and that was all she could talk about. She was mad at the system for screwing her, she was mad at her cellmate for not sharing cigarettes, she was mad at the warden for not letting her outside more, and she was mad at Sara because she never visited. Sara made the decision when she was 15 years old to cut off contact with her mother for good. At the time, it was a decision she felt good about. Later on in her life, when she had her first kiss with a boy when she was 16 years old, when she graduated from high school and was accepted to Harvard, when she received her degree and moved on to graduate school at Berkeley, when she walked out on a man that slapped her in the middle of their first fight, those were the times she wanted to talk to her mother. And those were the times her mother was in a jail cell, bitter and angry at a world that had forgotten her.
**************
2007
When they made it to San Francisco after a long, stressful road trip, Sara, Laura and Robbie moved in with one of Laura's old friends, Barbara. Barbara was the only one that kept in touch with Laura when she went to jail. She lived in a big, comfortable house that echoed with the voices of all her kids that had long since grown up and moved far away.
They all had separate rooms, 3 in a row with Laura in the middle. Sara's room was Barbara's only son's room - it wasn't changed at all since he moved out 15 years ago. There were heavy metal posters on the wall and the slightest scent of what was probably once marijuana. Sara liked the room and claimed it as her own.
While she was unpacking her things, her cell phone rang. She smiled when she saw it was Grissom.
"Hey," she said, cradling the phone to her ear while she unpacked.
"Sara..." Grissom murmured.
"What's wrong?" She said immediately.
"We caught the miniature killer."
"Oh, wow! Who was it? Was it one of Ernie Dell's foster kids?"
"Yes, her name was Natalie."
"A female serial killer? I never even thought about that being a possibility. What made her crack like that? What happened--"
"Sara, listen to me. The cops busted in the door to her apartment, but she made it down the fire escape. Nick and Warrick found her when she collapsed on Fremont Street. But Sofia stayed behind to check out the apartment, and what they found what could only be described as horrifying. Natalie had pictures of...of you. She even made a miniature of you trapped under a car. We figured out that this was what she was planning to do to you if you didn't leave town. The miniature's hand, it was moving. It wouldn't stop moving, like it was desperately trying to claw its way to freedom."
Sara stopped unpacking and sat on the bed. She knew Grissom was a little shaken up by this, but she didn't know what to say.
"Oh, Griss...why was she targeting me?"
"Because she saw us at a crime scene together once. She saw me stroke your arm, and it was not a friendly touch. She was going to take you away from me, Sara, because I took Ernie Dell away from her."
Sara vibrantly remembered that crime scene. They were called in on their day off, which interrupted them in the middle of a steamy afternoon. Grissom couldn't seem to take his mind off the day's previous activities while they were processing, which made for an interesting round of what they thought had been well-hidden fondling.
"Oh, my god...Griss, it's okay. I'm fine. They put her away, right? I'm not in any danger, am I?"
"No, no, you're fine, thank God. She's definitely locked away for good. But there's more. Sara, there's more."
"What is it, Griss? Just tell me."
"I kind of let it slip to the team about...well, about us. I know we were going to wait until you came home, but I think I might have been in a state of shock when I told everybody you were the only person I ever loved, and that's why Natalie was coming after you, to get revenge on me."
She tried not to drool all over herself with happiness from that bit of information. They'd talk about it later. Right now, she had to calm her man down.
"I leave you alone for a couple of days and you tell everybody our secret?" She said, trying to keep it light.
"It's not funny. Right now only Warrick, Greg, Catherine and Nick know but who knows how many people will know now? None of them have confronted me about it, but I think it's only a matter of time. Damn it, I wanted you to be here with me when that happened!"
"Griss, it's okay. I'm still here. And do you really think the team would tell anyone about us? Most of them probably had their suspicions, anyway. And besides, they're our friends. Who would they tell?"
Grissom was quiet. He was quiet for so long it made Sara uncomfortable.
"Can you come back here?" He finally asked softly.
"Griss, you know I can't. My mother needs me."
"She has Robbie," he said pitifully. "I miss you. I need you here."
"Don't ask that of me, please don't ask that of me. I have things I need to do here before I come back, you know that."
Grissom was quiet again.
Sara tried again.
"Why can't you come here? You know Catherine is perfectly capable of running graveyard."
"I can't. You know I can't, I have responsibilities."
"Well..." Sara said, not knowing what else to say.
"I know, I know. We can't be together right now. I realize that. I just miss you."
"I know, I miss you, too. But, Griss, it'll be okay. We both have things to do, and when I come back, we don't have to be afraid anymore. We can be the people we've always wanted to be."
"I can't wait, Sara."
They talked for a few more minutes. Sara heard Laura calling her, so they exchanged "I love yous" and hung up.
Sara came into Laura's room.
"Yes, Mother?"
She couldn't help but notice how frail her mother looked. She was sitting in bed under the covers, looking pale and sad. Sometimes, occasionally, she'd smile when Robbie and Sara were in the same room. Sara found that she liked seeing her mother smile.
"I thought I heard you on the phone. Is everything all right?"
"Oh, yeah," Sara said. "I was just talking to my boss in Las Vegas. He wanted to know if everything was okay.
Sara was not ready to tell her mother about her real relationship with her "boss." She knew Laura would ask about him eventually, but she was right when she figured that time wasn't now.
"Oh, that was nice of him. What a nice man. Anyway, I called you in here because I wanted to ask a question. May I?"
"Of course."
"Why didn't you visit me in prison? I needed you, Sara. I needed my daughter to care about how I was doing. Why weren't you there?"
Sara sighed. She was getting used to this interrogation kick her mother seemed to be on. She understood why; Laura had questions she needed the answers to. But she had no tact. It was almost like she asked Sara questions when she knew her defenses were down.
"Robbie told me you were bitter, and the letters you sent me were filled with anger and hatred. I lived with the anger and hatred my whole life and I didn't want to be around that stuff anymore. The foster homes had enough negativity in them, and I didn't need yours to add to it."
This seemed to silence Laura, at least long enough for Sara to talk without being asked another question.
"But, Mother, you had to know I was thinking about you. You were, and are, constantly in my thoughts. But I've worked very hard to get where I am today, and I couldn't live in your shadow forever."
Laura closed her eyes and Sara wondered if she was asleep. Just as she was going to leave the room, Laura said, "I'm proud of you, Sara. You lived the life I didn't have the courage to live. You did what I couldn't, and I respect you for that."
Sara was smart enough to know Laura wasn't exactly giving her a compliment. She was bitter that Sara got to experience what she couldn't. She was proud of her daughter, but she was also bitter at society for not letting her accomplish her goals.
"Mother, you met Dad when you were 16 years old. He treated you right and you believed it was all going to work out. You had us and he got jealous of the attention you paid to us, and something snapped in him. It wasn't your fault, it was never your fault. The only thing you did wrong was fall in love with the wrong person."
Sara couldn't help but think of Grissom. For a long time, she thought she was in love with the wrong person. And the worst part about it was, she thought if he asked her to give everything up for him, she just might have done it. She always thought he knew that about her, and that's why he never tried to pursue anything with her until recently.
Laura smiled at Sara's words.
"You are a smart girl, Sara. I'm glad I did at least one thing right in my life."
"What am I, chopped liver?" Robbie said, peeking in the doorway. Sara chuckled.
"The two things I did right in my life, pardon me," Laura said, a hint of a smile forming on her tired face.
The three of them went over their plans for the next couple of days, which included taking Laura to the neurologist and hiring a live-in nurse to take care of her at home. Sara thought, not for the first time either, about how right this seemed to feel. Not that her mother being on the verge of death was right, but being together with her mother and brother felt nice. She finally understood why people talked so glowingly about their families, because now she was a part of one again, and it felt right. The part of her that had always been missing was almost whole again. She tried not to think about the part that it was only temporary, and soon her mother would be taken away from her again.
Author: Butliz
Rating: Teen
Spoilers: Everything through 7x24
Disclaimer: I so don't own them.
Summary: Sara's mother is sick, and Sara feels like she's finally ready to face the past. But how will that effect her future? A look at Sara and Grissom's past, present and future. As always, thanks to the tireless beta-ness of GSFanatic.
Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
(Let me know if that's against the rules, 'cause I wasn't quite sure if posting links to past chapters is allowed anymore)
A/N - I obviously took some liberties with the second part of this chapter, as you will see. But it didn't really work for my story to have Sara under a Mustang, so we have this instead. I think it's a little more pleasant, don't you? Anyway, thank you all for the reviews and also: rock on.
When Sara Sidle was 11 years old, she and her brother watched as her mother stabbed her father to death. Robbie and Sara had just gotten home from school, right on time to witness yet another fight between their parents. They were used to it by then and learned to tune certain things out, but there was something different about this fight. Laura Sidle was fighting back this time.
Their father, Jacob, was yelling at his wife about something ridiculous. Laura didn't vacuum that day or she didn't wash his favorite shirt or didn't make the right thing for dinner, it was always something like that.
Robbie was 14 and not content to watch his father abuse his mother anymore. Whenever he could, he tried to get in the middle as a horrified Sara watched. So, Jacob had taken to beating Robbie instead of Laura most of the time now, and Robbie was just fine with that. He'd tell Sara, "One day I'm going to be bigger than him and he won't be able to lay a hand on me or Mom anymore." Sara herself was never on the receiving end of the abuse. No, Jacob liked to assault her verbally.
"Look at you, so skinny and smart and wonderful," Jacob slurred when Sara brought home another report card with all As, or a science project that won a red ribbon. "You think you're going to make it out of this town? I didn't. Your mother didn't. Don't go thinking you're special, missy. You're not. You're just lucky."
The day her mother stabbed her father, Laura had a look in her eye Sara had never seen before. It was, by all definitions, a look of madness. But it was also a look of content. It was a look that seemed to say, "You can yell at me all you want, because I have plans for you." Sure enough, when Jacob started the abuse with his signature move - grabbing her by the hair and moving his hand as if to slap her - Robbie stepped in and yelled, "Hit me! Hit me instead!" And before Jacob could, Laura stepped aside, calmly grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen counter and stabbed Jacob Sidle. 5 times, in fact.
When Laura went on trial, there were no mentions of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or what would later be known as Battered Woman Syndrome. The prosecuting attorney was a pit bull and somehow managed to dig up evidence that Laura herself bought a set of butcher knives 4 days before the stabbing incident occurred. The defense attorney the state provided for Laura was fresh out of law school and a raging alcoholic. Since the prosecutor managed to show that the attack was premeditated, and because her defense attorney was basically useless, and because the jury was stunned when they found out Laura did this in front of Sara and Robbie, Laura received 20 years in prison. Attempts at parole were all denied. It seemed no one would listen to Laura Sidle, not even her own children.
Sara and Robbie were shipped off to foster care. Both of them wanted to talk to their mother, but they were always encouraged not to by those who seemed to know why. When Robbie was 18, he went to see Laura in prison. He called Sara later and said, "When you're old enough, do not go see Mom. She's bitter, and she'll try to break you."
Sara knew Laura was bitter because she sometimes received letters from the prison. Her mother seemed to have adopted a "look how the system screwed me" attitude and that was all she could talk about. She was mad at the system for screwing her, she was mad at her cellmate for not sharing cigarettes, she was mad at the warden for not letting her outside more, and she was mad at Sara because she never visited. Sara made the decision when she was 15 years old to cut off contact with her mother for good. At the time, it was a decision she felt good about. Later on in her life, when she had her first kiss with a boy when she was 16 years old, when she graduated from high school and was accepted to Harvard, when she received her degree and moved on to graduate school at Berkeley, when she walked out on a man that slapped her in the middle of their first fight, those were the times she wanted to talk to her mother. And those were the times her mother was in a jail cell, bitter and angry at a world that had forgotten her.
**************
2007
When they made it to San Francisco after a long, stressful road trip, Sara, Laura and Robbie moved in with one of Laura's old friends, Barbara. Barbara was the only one that kept in touch with Laura when she went to jail. She lived in a big, comfortable house that echoed with the voices of all her kids that had long since grown up and moved far away.
They all had separate rooms, 3 in a row with Laura in the middle. Sara's room was Barbara's only son's room - it wasn't changed at all since he moved out 15 years ago. There were heavy metal posters on the wall and the slightest scent of what was probably once marijuana. Sara liked the room and claimed it as her own.
While she was unpacking her things, her cell phone rang. She smiled when she saw it was Grissom.
"Hey," she said, cradling the phone to her ear while she unpacked.
"Sara..." Grissom murmured.
"What's wrong?" She said immediately.
"We caught the miniature killer."
"Oh, wow! Who was it? Was it one of Ernie Dell's foster kids?"
"Yes, her name was Natalie."
"A female serial killer? I never even thought about that being a possibility. What made her crack like that? What happened--"
"Sara, listen to me. The cops busted in the door to her apartment, but she made it down the fire escape. Nick and Warrick found her when she collapsed on Fremont Street. But Sofia stayed behind to check out the apartment, and what they found what could only be described as horrifying. Natalie had pictures of...of you. She even made a miniature of you trapped under a car. We figured out that this was what she was planning to do to you if you didn't leave town. The miniature's hand, it was moving. It wouldn't stop moving, like it was desperately trying to claw its way to freedom."
Sara stopped unpacking and sat on the bed. She knew Grissom was a little shaken up by this, but she didn't know what to say.
"Oh, Griss...why was she targeting me?"
"Because she saw us at a crime scene together once. She saw me stroke your arm, and it was not a friendly touch. She was going to take you away from me, Sara, because I took Ernie Dell away from her."
Sara vibrantly remembered that crime scene. They were called in on their day off, which interrupted them in the middle of a steamy afternoon. Grissom couldn't seem to take his mind off the day's previous activities while they were processing, which made for an interesting round of what they thought had been well-hidden fondling.
"Oh, my god...Griss, it's okay. I'm fine. They put her away, right? I'm not in any danger, am I?"
"No, no, you're fine, thank God. She's definitely locked away for good. But there's more. Sara, there's more."
"What is it, Griss? Just tell me."
"I kind of let it slip to the team about...well, about us. I know we were going to wait until you came home, but I think I might have been in a state of shock when I told everybody you were the only person I ever loved, and that's why Natalie was coming after you, to get revenge on me."
She tried not to drool all over herself with happiness from that bit of information. They'd talk about it later. Right now, she had to calm her man down.
"I leave you alone for a couple of days and you tell everybody our secret?" She said, trying to keep it light.
"It's not funny. Right now only Warrick, Greg, Catherine and Nick know but who knows how many people will know now? None of them have confronted me about it, but I think it's only a matter of time. Damn it, I wanted you to be here with me when that happened!"
"Griss, it's okay. I'm still here. And do you really think the team would tell anyone about us? Most of them probably had their suspicions, anyway. And besides, they're our friends. Who would they tell?"
Grissom was quiet. He was quiet for so long it made Sara uncomfortable.
"Can you come back here?" He finally asked softly.
"Griss, you know I can't. My mother needs me."
"She has Robbie," he said pitifully. "I miss you. I need you here."
"Don't ask that of me, please don't ask that of me. I have things I need to do here before I come back, you know that."
Grissom was quiet again.
Sara tried again.
"Why can't you come here? You know Catherine is perfectly capable of running graveyard."
"I can't. You know I can't, I have responsibilities."
"Well..." Sara said, not knowing what else to say.
"I know, I know. We can't be together right now. I realize that. I just miss you."
"I know, I miss you, too. But, Griss, it'll be okay. We both have things to do, and when I come back, we don't have to be afraid anymore. We can be the people we've always wanted to be."
"I can't wait, Sara."
They talked for a few more minutes. Sara heard Laura calling her, so they exchanged "I love yous" and hung up.
Sara came into Laura's room.
"Yes, Mother?"
She couldn't help but notice how frail her mother looked. She was sitting in bed under the covers, looking pale and sad. Sometimes, occasionally, she'd smile when Robbie and Sara were in the same room. Sara found that she liked seeing her mother smile.
"I thought I heard you on the phone. Is everything all right?"
"Oh, yeah," Sara said. "I was just talking to my boss in Las Vegas. He wanted to know if everything was okay.
Sara was not ready to tell her mother about her real relationship with her "boss." She knew Laura would ask about him eventually, but she was right when she figured that time wasn't now.
"Oh, that was nice of him. What a nice man. Anyway, I called you in here because I wanted to ask a question. May I?"
"Of course."
"Why didn't you visit me in prison? I needed you, Sara. I needed my daughter to care about how I was doing. Why weren't you there?"
Sara sighed. She was getting used to this interrogation kick her mother seemed to be on. She understood why; Laura had questions she needed the answers to. But she had no tact. It was almost like she asked Sara questions when she knew her defenses were down.
"Robbie told me you were bitter, and the letters you sent me were filled with anger and hatred. I lived with the anger and hatred my whole life and I didn't want to be around that stuff anymore. The foster homes had enough negativity in them, and I didn't need yours to add to it."
This seemed to silence Laura, at least long enough for Sara to talk without being asked another question.
"But, Mother, you had to know I was thinking about you. You were, and are, constantly in my thoughts. But I've worked very hard to get where I am today, and I couldn't live in your shadow forever."
Laura closed her eyes and Sara wondered if she was asleep. Just as she was going to leave the room, Laura said, "I'm proud of you, Sara. You lived the life I didn't have the courage to live. You did what I couldn't, and I respect you for that."
Sara was smart enough to know Laura wasn't exactly giving her a compliment. She was bitter that Sara got to experience what she couldn't. She was proud of her daughter, but she was also bitter at society for not letting her accomplish her goals.
"Mother, you met Dad when you were 16 years old. He treated you right and you believed it was all going to work out. You had us and he got jealous of the attention you paid to us, and something snapped in him. It wasn't your fault, it was never your fault. The only thing you did wrong was fall in love with the wrong person."
Sara couldn't help but think of Grissom. For a long time, she thought she was in love with the wrong person. And the worst part about it was, she thought if he asked her to give everything up for him, she just might have done it. She always thought he knew that about her, and that's why he never tried to pursue anything with her until recently.
Laura smiled at Sara's words.
"You are a smart girl, Sara. I'm glad I did at least one thing right in my life."
"What am I, chopped liver?" Robbie said, peeking in the doorway. Sara chuckled.
"The two things I did right in my life, pardon me," Laura said, a hint of a smile forming on her tired face.
The three of them went over their plans for the next couple of days, which included taking Laura to the neurologist and hiring a live-in nurse to take care of her at home. Sara thought, not for the first time either, about how right this seemed to feel. Not that her mother being on the verge of death was right, but being together with her mother and brother felt nice. She finally understood why people talked so glowingly about their families, because now she was a part of one again, and it felt right. The part of her that had always been missing was almost whole again. She tried not to think about the part that it was only temporary, and soon her mother would be taken away from her again.
