September 19th 2001

[lizwontcry]

It is my observation that when I'm depressed and don't have alot to say, I get alot less hits from inquiring minds.

Earlier today, I was going to give up Diaryland completely for a while, because I feel like I need to get my shit together, and no one wants to read about my transformation from screw up to non screw up. But then I saw the layout that Quinndolyn made for me and got all excited. And also, I kinda need this forum. It's a good thing.

I was just feeling sorry for myself. I still am. I'm having issues with many, many things. I go through stages where I just feel worthless and fat and empty, and I feel that way right now. BB gave me roses last night and my mom loves me and everybody is really supportive, but it's just how I am. I'm dirty. I never clean my room. My car is smoking because I don't get regular oil changes even though I basically drive 3000 miles a month.

I can't stop eating. I eat all the time, and it's all bad. I don't take care of myself. I'm disgusting.

I'm not asking for pity, because there's many many people who have it worse than I do, and I just need to get over it.

ANYWAY. I took my car in today to fix the smoke coming out of my car and squealing brakes. I was there for 6 hours, from 10 AM to 4 PM. And then I drove home a nice shiny Toyota Corolla because it's not fixed yet. It's a neato car, I suppose.

I'm terrified. 16 people now have a copy of my creative writing story. And they're all going to comment on it next week. That terrifies me. Alot.

Okay, I'm going to go now. I don't know how much I'm going to write, because nobody cares about me bitching about everything in sight. That's not what anyone needs. So if I have something constructive to say, I'll come back and say hi.

Buh bye.