April 13th 2003

Note: Recently edited to add a few more movies, because I just keep thinking of them. It's a little sad, to tell you the truth.

*burp* It's 1:36 AM and I'm way past the point of tiredness. I'm so tired that I'm not even tired anymore. Anyway, I saw that Anaconda was on TV today and it reminded me of Josh. So I wanted to make a list of boy-related movies that I've accumulated over the past 10 years for your viewing pleasure. Sounds like fun, I know.

My first boyfriend, Eddie, related movies: National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon Crappola or whatever - This is the first movie I ever saw with a boy. Awwww.

Somersby - This is the first movie I ever got felt up in. And, actually, the first time I ever got felt up, period! By far not the last! Muahaha.

Wayne's World - We watched this on Valentine's Day at my house, with my mom and dad in the next room. There was some touching going on.

The River Wild - I saw this with a dude who was questioning his sexuality at the time, and he refused to even hold hands with me. Then he dumped me for a guy. Awwww. Where Eddie comes in was that this dude was his best friend. It's a long story and I'm way too tired to even make sense.

Ryan related movies:

Get Shorty - We saw this instead of going to Homecoming, even though I already bought a dress for it and everything.

Seven - The first time I got fingered was at this movie. Too much information? Probably.

Species - I don't remember what happened here, but I think he was trying to touch the boobs or something. I know the blond Species chick turned him on, or some such.

George of the Jungle - We saw this together a couple of years after we dated, when we both worked at the same theater. We held hands, and it was cute. But then he got a girlfriend with a big ass named Claire, and that didn't matter anymore.

Some other National Lampoon movie - I saw this with Ryan and his best friend Brandon. Ryan and I weren't dating at the time, we were in one of our "in between" periods. I found myself weirdly attracted to Brandon, even though he had the IQ of like.. 14. Anyway, I ended up holding hands with Brandon and therefore making Ryan brutally jealous. It was good times.

It's Pat - We watched this at my house and ate Dominoe's Pizza. For some reason, this is the movie he brings up whenever we see each other. It's very strange.

Clueless - The movie where I first dared to reach over and try to touch the weiner. I don't think it worked very well. I was 15 and really inexperienced, okay?!

Play it to the Bone - We saw this movie a few years ago. There was so much.. something between us, but I tried to be a good girl cuz I was with Matt at the time. I felt like he wanted to hold my hand, so I sat on it so he wouldn't. *sigh* I wonder what could have happened with that boy.

French Porn - We watched porn the last time I saw him. Uh huh. Read more about that here.

Joseph related movies:

Toy Story - That's the only movie we ever saw together. Because unfortunately, I was crying the whole time. Because I just saw Ryan at the mall with his tongue down some chick's throat. Read more about that one here. But I just want to reiterate that this Joseph person gave me one of the best god damn kisses I've ever had in my life. It's too bad we never saw each other again, because damn.. that was good stuff.

Josh related movies -

Anaconda - I wore a skirt to this movie. He gave me oral sex. It was right after my grandfather's funeral. That's really not as bad as it sounds.

Star Wars - We had sex during this movie. I lost my bra in the theather. This is kind of my slutty period of life, if you couldn't tell.

The People Vs. Larry Flynt - I had my first orgasm ever in this movie. It was really gross.. I won't go into details, but I pity the person who had to clean up the theater after the movie.

The Crush - This is the movie I lost my virginity to. That should tell you a lot about the relationship. Yet I couldn't appreciate the irony at the time.

Return of the Jedi - Another movie we had sex during. I don't know how we got away with this, we were never the only people in the theater or anything! So weird. Anyway.. this time I really wanted to watch the movie and I was wishing he would get the hell off me so I could watch the Ewoks.

Spice World- This is really weird. We saw it at the theater where Ryan and I worked, and I was giving him a hand job during the movie when Ryan walked in and like.. saw us doing that naughty act. It was very strange, and a little ackward! There was lots of other movies that we had sex in, because we were just horny animals like that and we were 17 (Well, I was 17, he was 15) and had no other place to go.

Matt related movies:

Seven Years in Tibet - The first movie we ever saw together. *sigh* It was on my 18th birthday and he paid. It was really sweet.

Pulp Fiction - I think this is the movie we were watching at his trailer when we first kissed.

Starship Troopers - He told me he loved me for like the 2nd or 3rd time during this movie. It made me so happy, I didn't even care about the rest of the movie. Not that I would have cared anyway.. that was a terrible movie!

Cats and Dogs - he fell asleep during this movie. It was a big deal. We had a fight about that.

I don't really remember any other movies that pertained to our relationship. He wasn't really a movie person. Plus, he had his own place so we never had to sneak around. I can't tell you how nice that was, after having to find so many creative places in which to do naughty things.

Other assorted things:

Benny and Joon - A movie that I saw with Alison and this dude, Aaron. I had a big huge crush on Aaron but like most of the guys in the whole entire world, he liked Alison. It was a very dramatic period in my life, as I was 13 and didn't handle rejection very well.

Scream 2 - I saw this with Matt and a chick named Julie. I had a big crush on Julie and tried to spend the whole movie macking on her. Later we got it on. But only once. It's all very sad.

The Crow - Me and Adam did naughty things, and I think we got his t-shirt soiled with man-love. Tee hee. I'm so bad.

Dizamn.. I'm a slut.

That's all I can recall at this time. I think I might actually go to bed now, seeing that I have to go to church tomorrow and everything. Matt has been online all night, not idle, and it's driving me crazy that we're not talking. I think he's not talking to me because he's trying to respect my decision of not talking to him, but I don't want him to respect my decision! Bah.

Rock on.

By the way, Laurel Canyon is one awesome and beautiful movie. Go see it. Try to keep it in your pants, though. Muahaha

_____

Having watched the entire 2nd season of Friends over the past 24 hours, I would like to tell you about my favorite episode. That would be "The One with the Prom Video." Why? Because Ross is Rachel's lobster. Awwww. I just love that one, don't you?

Now I'm watching Bridget Jones diary again, because I love that there's a chick out there who's as socially retarded as I am. Yay for Bridget Jones! That's what I say.

*****

I don't want to jinx this.. and I don't want to think that just because I've had a good 3 or 4 days, the worst part is over. But I feel good. I took a long walk in a little park by my apartment today, and I realized that things are going to be okay. I'm really making progress here.. I think.

I mean, again.. just because I went to dinner with a friend on Friday and all that stuff, it doesn't mean that my life is suddenly different and I'm the person I've always wanted to be. But the signs that I'm seeing are really inspiring me, and I'm starting to feel really good about what I'm doing.

Did that make any sense?

I haven't had any depression since Thursday afternoon. But tomorrow is Monday, and let's see how I feel after a couple of days of fruitless job searching. Today's employment section of the paper had a whole fuckload of jobs I want to look into, so that's good. I feel like this will be a productive week.

So yay for that.

And I'm almost feeling bad about not talking to Matt. He's never idle anymore, seriously! I feel like I should be inspiring him, trying to get him off his ass and into something more productive. But he knows he has to do that, he doesn't need me telling him.

And after all.. what do I know? She could be under his desk giving him constant blow jobs for all I know, although that's highly unlikely given her.. her-ness. Yah. That made sense.

*****

I had dinner with my brother tonight, and it was good times. I went to Central Market and got some flank steak, mashed potatoes, and sourdough rolls. Mmmm.. my idea of a perfect dinner not involving pizza.

My brother and I were brought up on dinners like this. We can both appreciate a good steak and potatoes kind of meal. I dunno.. I was just amused by how much both of us enjoyed this dinner.

My brother rocks, by the way. But I'm upset because he dumped another boyfriend. I really liked this one.. his name was Joe. Joe is gone now. I am sad.

I get so attached to his boys! Come back, Joe! Please!

Anyway.

*****

I'm going to go paint and watch Bridget now. If that's not good times I don't know what is.

And let's hope that this streak of optimisim continues.

Also, I hate AOL.