April 12th 2003

You know what annoys me to no end? That would be when people try to ENTER the apartment from the EXIT gates, especially when I'm trying to get OUT! I mean, hello lazy asses, the ENTER gate is like.. right around the fucking corner. Use your big brains to figure out this mystery puzzle! I mean.. lordy.

Something else that appalled me this morning.. I was getting a breakfast bagel at McDonalds (right before I worked out, too!) because I'm a just a whore like that, and on a street that only had one lane, some ASSHOLE, instead of waiting his turn, turned RIGHT IN FRONT of an ambulance! I mean, the guy could have AT LEAST waited until the ambulance went by! If he was deaf and couldn't hear the deafening sounds of the siren, he probably wasn't blind, too! He could see the lights!

*shakes head*

I feel angry today, I suppose. I dunno. I sent my resume to a paper not far from here that advertised for a reporter, and you know what? I really want that job. I actually have real and true newspaper experience, so maybe I could really and truly have the qualifications it takes for that job. Wouldn't that be nice? It's like 30 minutes away from Austin, but I'm hardcore. Yesterday, I drove 100 miles, just around Austin and the surrounding cities. No wonder I'm broke.. I have to get gas like every 4 days!

I was supposed to go to Habitat for Humanity this morning, but the chick who was supposed to give me the information didn't get to me until it was too late, so I'm going to do the second shift. From 1 to 4:30, I think. That'll be fun. And then I can come back home and do my "Elizabeth is single and alone and her brother is busy and her new friends are all busy" activities of going to the bookstore, going to see a movie, and then coming home to watch the second season of Friends that I rented yesterday. If that's not pathetic single girl behavior, I don't know what is. But what else am I gonna do?

I worked out today, and me and the treadmill are about to have some fighting words. I can't do 2 miles in under 29 minutes! What the hell is up with that?! It's driving me batty. I run and try to kill myself while I'm doing it, but it just won't happen. Bah!

My dinner with my friend last night was good. I think she got a little drunk because I wouldn't share her Mexican Martini with her, but thats okay. I had a perfectly lovely strawberry Margarita and I even managed not to act like a total crackwhore! Yay for that. Yay for social lives.

It's day 4 of not talking to Matt. I keep having dreams about his girlfriend, and that's really annoying. It's worse than having dreams about him. But you know what? When I think, for one second, about talking to him, I just visualize the girlfriend, and I stop. Because it's a big deal. And I hate it. I hate it a lot.

But the hard to get thing isn't working. I mean.. I wrote him that whole long email about not talking to him, and then I tell him to disregard it, and now here we are not talking to each other, anyway. But I'm trying to grow some balls before I talk to him again. Some pride. Because I know I've said it before, but the way I acted on Tuesday was really pathetic. Crazy pathetic. INSANE pathetic. So yeah. It's good I'm not talking to him. I know this.

Anyway. I'm going to get ready for good Habitat times now.

My clock just read 0:00. I have it on military time for some reason. And the 0:00 kinda freaked me out a little.

I just thought I'd share that.

*****

What was Liz doing a year ago?

"One thing I can't stand about this doctor is that as soon as we're finished with the appointment, he whips out his tape recorder and he recaps everything he just talked about, and then some, and it's like "Elizabeth is overweight and refuses to take her pills, she's overweight and she has a hideous disease that makes her smell really bad. She also has two heads, and her teeth are yellow." I just don't understand why he can't save that for later, ya know?"

_____

For this moment, I am feeling good about life in general, and I just wanted to record the moment for posterity.

First of all, I'm watching the I love the 80's marathon, even though I've seen like.. all these shows about 3 times already.

And I also did Habitat for Humanity today. I got there too late to do anything productive with the house they're building, but some chick took me under her wing and I helped her do some stuff with like.. stuff. There was lots of lifting rakes and such.

This was the most hardcore chick ever. She does Habitat like 4 days a week and she's one tough beyotch. She was also the best reverser I've ever known. That girl could reverse! I love this.. I love meeting new people and learning about them and watching them in action. Why didn't I do this in college? Why did I think hanging out with my boyfriend 24/7 was a healthy activity?

Anyway. Tomorrow I'm going to be sore, and I will probably have some kind of hideous sunburn. But that's awesome.

I just feel like this is HUGE. Like I did on Thursday night when I went to that club. This is big time, people. I'm learning how to have a social life. Of course, it's all from church right now, but where else would I find people? I don't go to school, I don't go to work.. church is totally saving me right now. And I do appreciate that.

I almost feel like I'm in Groundhog Day. Bill Murray couldn't move on until he did all the stuff that he knew he had to do before, but he didn't. And I feel like I'm being productive, making friends, working hard to find a job. Even not talking to Matt for 4 days is pretty impressive, I think.

I was just sitting here watching the 80's Marathon and I wasn't depressed, I wasn't sad, I was just contemplative and somewhat happy that I almost get it. I know I have a LONG way to go, but these first steps are so awesome and so important and yay.

I want to tell Matt about it, but I know that's a big part of it... doing it and NOT telling him all about it. That's so hard, but I think I'll be able to do it. It's all good. Kinda.

That's all. I'm going to sit here and watch the 80's marathon and then go see Laurel Canyon! Woot.