July 30th 2001

I have felt like throwing up for the past hour. For some reason, I felt compelled to go clean out my car at 11:45 PM. That would have been fine, but the dumpster smells like ass. It hasn't been emptied for weeks, and it smells like total fucking ass. I then went to a gas station and continued to clean out my car, but then realized I should probably continue this process tommorow, because it's dark and there can be some seedy characters prowling around. So basically, the whole process of cleaning out my car was pointless.

My boyfriend is at IHOP tonight. I can't help but feel total and complete jealousy. He's had a busy social day and I've just kinda sat on my ass. It's nice to know that I have the option to hang out with friends, but I just went to Borders for 2 hours, worked out, came home and slept, and now I'm playing Yahtzee. This is good times, really, it is. You'd think after 4 years, well, 3 years and 10 months, that I'd be over this by now. I really should work on that.

It's not that I don't like being with friends. But over the last couple of years, I've been alone so much that I really started to value my alone time. So yeah. That's not good sometimes. I need to balance the two worlds, like my boyfriend does.

I have 9 dollars to my name until Wednesday. I'm not well versed in the art of really cheap fast food, so this should be a fun experience. I'm planning to just get a lot of Chicken Sandwiches (without mayo, of course)at Jack in the Box. Any other suggestions?

Things I need to work on hard this week:

1. No breakfast sandwiches, for fuck's sake!

2. I've been working out hard, so I need to eat like I know I should, because that would make my goal easier to accomplish.

What's my goal? That's a good question. I guess it would be to lose 50 pounds by this time next year. My smaller goal would be lose 20 pounds by the end of the year. That sounds right, doesn't it? I have no idea.

3. Can my jealousy issues and stop starting so many fights. My boyfriend has shown that he's here for the long haul, and I just need to get over it. I've been such a bitch the last couple of months, but he's still here, and I'm still a bitch.

I had a scary dream while I was taking a nap today. It was about a ghost who opened my door when I couldn't find my key or something. For about 10 minutes after I woke up, I was seriously scared shitless.

I am playing triple yahtzee, and then I will go to bed. Thanks for your concern.

July 30 2001

If you loved me, and I know you do, you'd all go visit Pervert Girl who has gone and made herself a diaryland page. Woohoo!

I am not looking for a job today. Because I have a headache and I slept too late and I'm just lazy in general. I did, however, work out.

I am no longer Bitter McChesty when I'm working out. (Yes, that means you can have it now!) I am working out because it makes me feel like I'm doing someting positive for myself. I know that I'll be happy once I lose weight.

Why?

Reasons to Lose Weight:

I'll feel better about myself

I won't be out of breath when I walk up stairs!

My clothes will fit better, and maybe someday I'll actually get to wear shorts!

I will be happy when people come up to me and say, "Have you lost weight? You look great!"

I'll be healthier.

Etc.

I would like to thank HTML For Dummies for teaching me how to do that list. Thank you.

Maybe some of those reasons aren't entirely pure, but what's driving me most to lose weight is the feeling of looking down at my stomach in the car or when I'm just sitting down and feeling pride instead of sloth. That's 2 of the 7 deadly sins, so I'm going to be sinning either way. Ehehe! My mom always says that I have good taste in clothes, and that I'm a skinny person in a fat person's body. Well, she didn't say it like that, but yeah.

I really want to wear clothes that look good instead of clothes that fit.

So here's the count.. it's

Day 14!

I'm going to weigh myself at some point today. It'll be the first time in a while that I ventured to do that. But I need to know, so I can know when I reach my goal.

My mom is making dinner for me tonight since I now have 5 dollars in which to eat until Wednesday.