![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizwontcryI'm going to rant here now. It's probably going to contain a lot of expletives.
I went to Austin this weekend. I had a good time, like I usually do. My brother's house is nice, and I love his dogs and his boyfriend is pretty much my BFF. We got pedicures, saw a movie, ate some Mexican food. I hung out with Natalie, who is lovely and amazing. The one thing that sucked? During lunch on Saturday, my brother wanted to tell me what he thinks of my life. That is: he thinks I'm too fat to live.
I realize I'm at my highest weight ever. I also realize I wasn't exactly watching what I ate while I was in Austin. I didn't think that meant my brother was going to go all judgmental asshole on me. But no, he wanted me to know that he's concerned and that I should probably do something with my life. What does he want me to do? He wants me to go to a weight loss center. In Vermont. For a month. Which he told me today in an email. No concern about missing work for a month. No concern for how he wants me to go at the end of October, just a week after I've moved into my new house. No concern, I don't know, for anything?
So I emailed him back and I said no. I don't want to fucking doing do that. I don't want to leave my job, my house, my boyfriend, my friends for a whole month just because he thinks I'm too fat; just so it will make him feel better about my life. No, I'm not doing that. And you know what he said? This judgmental piece of shit said:
Okay. I won’t ask again.
But until you agree to do this, I won’t speak with you, and I won’t see you.
I cannot sit by and watch you kill yourself.
And I won’t. Kill yourself without me being a part of your life.
And the jackhole de-friended me on Facebook! MY OWN BROTHER. My HOMOSEXUAL brother that I have supported since the day he told me he was gay. I defended him to my dad. To my mom. I supported him in his dark times. I never told him to go fuck himself. I never shut the door on him when he had his own issues. I love his boyfriend. In fact, if Cody stops talking to me, I'll be sadder about that than my brother not talking to me.
It's just...he's so much like my dad, it's not even funny. He's tried to distance himself from my dad only to come full circle to be just like him. He thinks throwing money at a problem is going to solve it. He thinks that not talking to me is going to make me think, "OH YES ROBERT, TAKE ME TO VERMONT FOR A MONTH WHILE I ABANDON EVERYTHING IMPORTANT TO ME, THAT INTERESTS ME!" What a fucking dickward douchenozzle piece of shithead.
So I said this:
I think that's a pretty shitty and judgmental thing to do. You can un-add me on Facebook if it makes you feel better, but I hope you realize that you're not doing something good here. After all the times I've stood up for you to Dad, after all the cheerleading and support I've given you through some hard times, I hope sometimes you'll wake up and feel like shit. Because this is wrong. And maybe I'll just go ahead and lose weight just to spite you, because it's so fucking wrong.
Have a nice life.
He hasn't had anything to say to that so far. It's not that big of a deal, I guess. He was going to come down here in October to see my house. Probably not anymore. The next thing is on Christmas when we're going to Phoenix with my mom. Maybe he would have seen the error of his ways by that time, or maybe I'll be asking Cody to tell him to pass me the mashed potatoes. Whatever.
Of course it bothers me. Of course it makes me sad and angry and frustrated. Of course it hurts my feelings. He's my brother. He's supposed to support me, not shut me out of his life because I'm fat. Dear F-list, tell me if I'm in the wrong here. Tell me what you think of what he's doing. The thing is, I know he's doing it because his psychiatrist probably told him it was the best thing for me. And that just pisses me off even more. So yeah...tell me what you think here, I'm genuinely curious what my LJ friends have to say.
In other news, here's a short story: this morning I tweeted Axl, as I normally do even though he's had twitter since December and never replied to a single person, and I said if they played Don't Cry in Romania today, I'd adopt a puppy and name it Axl. Just for funsies. They haven't played Don't Cry since St. Petersberg, which was on June 6th. Well, guess what? They played it today. The guitar dude started playing it in his solo, then Axl joined in with vocals, and then the rest of the band played the rest. I HAVE to see this. I hope some kind Romanian individual recorded this, because I NEED it in my life. And regarding the puppy...I may donate $25 to the SPCA or something, 'cause I can't exactly get a puppy at this point in my life. So yeah. WHERE IS DON'T CRY I NEEEEED IT!!
That is all.
I went to Austin this weekend. I had a good time, like I usually do. My brother's house is nice, and I love his dogs and his boyfriend is pretty much my BFF. We got pedicures, saw a movie, ate some Mexican food. I hung out with Natalie, who is lovely and amazing. The one thing that sucked? During lunch on Saturday, my brother wanted to tell me what he thinks of my life. That is: he thinks I'm too fat to live.
I realize I'm at my highest weight ever. I also realize I wasn't exactly watching what I ate while I was in Austin. I didn't think that meant my brother was going to go all judgmental asshole on me. But no, he wanted me to know that he's concerned and that I should probably do something with my life. What does he want me to do? He wants me to go to a weight loss center. In Vermont. For a month. Which he told me today in an email. No concern about missing work for a month. No concern for how he wants me to go at the end of October, just a week after I've moved into my new house. No concern, I don't know, for anything?
So I emailed him back and I said no. I don't want to fucking doing do that. I don't want to leave my job, my house, my boyfriend, my friends for a whole month just because he thinks I'm too fat; just so it will make him feel better about my life. No, I'm not doing that. And you know what he said? This judgmental piece of shit said:
Okay. I won’t ask again.
But until you agree to do this, I won’t speak with you, and I won’t see you.
I cannot sit by and watch you kill yourself.
And I won’t. Kill yourself without me being a part of your life.
And the jackhole de-friended me on Facebook! MY OWN BROTHER. My HOMOSEXUAL brother that I have supported since the day he told me he was gay. I defended him to my dad. To my mom. I supported him in his dark times. I never told him to go fuck himself. I never shut the door on him when he had his own issues. I love his boyfriend. In fact, if Cody stops talking to me, I'll be sadder about that than my brother not talking to me.
It's just...he's so much like my dad, it's not even funny. He's tried to distance himself from my dad only to come full circle to be just like him. He thinks throwing money at a problem is going to solve it. He thinks that not talking to me is going to make me think, "OH YES ROBERT, TAKE ME TO VERMONT FOR A MONTH WHILE I ABANDON EVERYTHING IMPORTANT TO ME, THAT INTERESTS ME!" What a fucking dickward douchenozzle piece of shithead.
So I said this:
I think that's a pretty shitty and judgmental thing to do. You can un-add me on Facebook if it makes you feel better, but I hope you realize that you're not doing something good here. After all the times I've stood up for you to Dad, after all the cheerleading and support I've given you through some hard times, I hope sometimes you'll wake up and feel like shit. Because this is wrong. And maybe I'll just go ahead and lose weight just to spite you, because it's so fucking wrong.
Have a nice life.
He hasn't had anything to say to that so far. It's not that big of a deal, I guess. He was going to come down here in October to see my house. Probably not anymore. The next thing is on Christmas when we're going to Phoenix with my mom. Maybe he would have seen the error of his ways by that time, or maybe I'll be asking Cody to tell him to pass me the mashed potatoes. Whatever.
Of course it bothers me. Of course it makes me sad and angry and frustrated. Of course it hurts my feelings. He's my brother. He's supposed to support me, not shut me out of his life because I'm fat. Dear F-list, tell me if I'm in the wrong here. Tell me what you think of what he's doing. The thing is, I know he's doing it because his psychiatrist probably told him it was the best thing for me. And that just pisses me off even more. So yeah...tell me what you think here, I'm genuinely curious what my LJ friends have to say.
In other news, here's a short story: this morning I tweeted Axl, as I normally do even though he's had twitter since December and never replied to a single person, and I said if they played Don't Cry in Romania today, I'd adopt a puppy and name it Axl. Just for funsies. They haven't played Don't Cry since St. Petersberg, which was on June 6th. Well, guess what? They played it today. The guitar dude started playing it in his solo, then Axl joined in with vocals, and then the rest of the band played the rest. I HAVE to see this. I hope some kind Romanian individual recorded this, because I NEED it in my life. And regarding the puppy...I may donate $25 to the SPCA or something, 'cause I can't exactly get a puppy at this point in my life. So yeah. WHERE IS DON'T CRY I NEEEEED IT!!
That is all.
