Since I Met You - Chapter 17
Aug. 12th, 2007 07:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizwontcryTitle: Since I Met You - Chapter 17
Author: Butliz
Rating: Teen
Spoilers: Everything through 7x24
Disclaimer: I so don't own them.
Summary: Sara's mother is sick, and Sara feels like she's finally ready to face the past. But how will that effect her future? A look at Sara and Grissom's past, present and future. As always, thanks to the tireless beta-ness of GSFanatic.
Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16
A/N: Only 3 more chapters left, y'all.
2007
After a long, stressful, challenging shift, Gil returned to his office. He closed the door, drew the shades and closed his eyes. It used to be, Sara would come in his office, they'd talk about plans for breakfast or dinner, or she'd go home with him. If there was absolutely nobody nearby, he'd close the door and give her a kiss. That always seemed to make her happy.
Making Sara happy...now that was something he was beginning to see that he had no idea how to do. He thought they were happy together. She practically lived with him, they had a dog together, they sometimes spent 24 hours a day together. And then her mother had to write that letter, and now Sara was gone. Earlier in the day, he received a call from his old friend and colleague Martin Thornton.
"Gil, I'm not sure if you were aware of this or not, but Sara has asked me for her job back here. I told her to give me a few days to think about it because I wanted to ask you first. Because frankly, if you don't have a problem with it, I'd love to have her back on my team. She's an amazing CSI, as I'm sure you know."
An amazing CSI, yes. An amazing kisser, an amazing lover, an amazing pancake-maker, an amazing dog lover, an amazing poem writer, an amazing woman. She was all of those things, and it continued to amaze him every single day of the life they had together.
He told Martin he'd call him back in 24 hours. He needed to think. He needed to figure out where he'd gone wrong. She was essentially leaving him, not to mention the lab, and he needed to know what to do about it. He needed to know how to fix it.
He was a workaholic, it was true. The miniature killer really put him on the brink of burnout. When he watched as Ernie Dell pulled the trigger and, for the second time in 2 years, saw someone die in front of him, he thought the nightmare was over. But just as it was with Walter Gordon, he had nightmares about these men. He and Sara would sometimes take turns waking up from nightmares, a pool of sweat forming around them, huffing and puffing like they had just been in a foot race. Sara was haunted by memories of her childhood; Grissom was haunted by his present. They were an interesting pair.
And then another miniature showed up and it started all over again. He had to know. He had to catch this person. Sara didn't understand why he was so obsessed. When he started building his own miniature, she was annoyed. "You get enough of this miniature person at work," she had said. "Why do you have to let it get to you at home, too?"
He tried to explain, but could never find the words. It was comfortable. It was easy to focus on this serial killer. It was easy to wonder about what connected all the murders. When Hodges figured out that the one thing common at every scene was bleach, Grissom was almost jealous of the young lab tech. David Hodges was a pain in the ass, but he was an intelligent, motivated pain in the ass.
Not that being with Sara was hard, necessarily. He loved her. In bed, the feeling of her curled up next to him was the most incredible feeling he'd ever felt. After the song and dance they did for so many years, she never gave up on him. And when they were in bed together, he couldn't believe what a lucky man he was.
But sometimes it was just so...hard. Maintaining a relationship was not easy for him. He'd been in only one other serious relationship, right after college. Her name was Diane, and he loved her in the way only young people could: ignorantly, blindly, and dumbly. Of course she ended up cheating on him; it was only a matter of time. He then made the decision that he would not let women get in the way of his career. And it worked for a long time, until that one fateful day when he walked into the classroom and made the mistake of thinking Sara was the teaching assistant.
There was a knock on his office door. He opened his eyes, annoyed at the interruption. Catherine came in and sat down, not waiting for an invitation. Not that Catherine ever needed an invitation.
"So, how are things?" She asked in that annoying know-it-all way of hers.
"Fine, Catherine. Why don't you just go ahead and get to the point so we don't have to waste 30 minutes on small talk?" Ever since he dropped the bomb about Natalie trying to take away the only person he'd ever loved, his team had been kind of tip-toeing around him, not sure what to say or how to act. He wanted to scream, "Yes, me and Sara are together, we've been hiding it for 2 years, we love each other, now go away, damnit!"
"Look, I want you to come over for dinner tonight before shift. Don't look at me like that, you haven't been to my house in a long time and, well, I miss it."
Truthfully, it did sound tempting. He missed their dinners together, too. Sara always encouraged him to go out with Catherine, but when he and Sara had time to themselves, he always just wanted to spend it with her.
"Okay. I'll be there. And don't think for a second I don't know what this is about, either."
Catherine smirked. "And you're still going to come?"
He sighed. "Catherine, I want to get it out in the open. You deserve to know, everyone does. So, yes, we can eat dinner and I'll answer all your questions."
Catherine looked surprise. He guessed she was expecting a lot more apprehension from him.
"Great. I'll see you at 9, then." She smiled and got up to leave. When the door closed behind her, he closed his eyes again, thinking about the relationship that made him so happy and yet so confused.
********
They always tried to maintain some kind of distance while at the lab together. He'd schedule them to work a case together if necessary, and sometimes just because he wanted to spend extra time with her. When he wanted to be alone, he scheduled her with someone else. He liked that little bit of power he had, and she seemed to understand and appreciate when he needed his space.
The first time he kissed her at work, it took both of them by surprise. He sent her and Warrick out to a murder scene in Henderson, only to find out later it was yet another case of spousal abuse. The husband, tired of his wife's indescretions, shot her in the head 5 times. Doc Robbins also found bruises all over her body, suggesting repeated longterm abuse.
Grissom didn't hear about it firsthand from her, but from Warrick, who came to update him about the case. When Warrick mentioned the abuse, Grissom winced. They'd only been together a few months at the time, but even then he knew Sara was going to have a few nightmares about this one.
"Where's Sara?" He asked Warrick.
"She's in the break room, I think. She looked pretty shaken, and I didn't want to bother her."
Grissom thanked him and walked to the break room. She was sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. He knew she wasn't really reading it, she was just trying to get her mind off what she'd seen.
He sat on the sofa next to her. She looked up at him, her eyes red. He took her hand, and then he leaned over and kissed her softly. She smiled, clearly appreciating the gesture.
"Griss...anyone can come in here. Ecklie could come in here."
"I know...but it's important to me that you know your happiness comes first, okay? If it means everybody in Las Vegas law enforcement walking in on us making out, well, we'll deal with that. Okay?"
She nodded and kissed him back. And less then a minute later, Ecklie did walk in. Fortunately, Gil was getting a cup of coffee and not making out with his underling at the time.
Gil thought about that when he went home to rest before having dinner with Catherine. He told Sara that her happiness comes first, and at the time he really meant it. He wondered if that was an empty promise made in the early days of a love affair; the kind you whisper in your lover's ear and then forget about when a certain amount of time has passed. Would he do that now, after 2 years together? Would he kiss her if there was any kind of chance they could get caught, even if it would make her happy? The sad thing was, he didn't know if he would.
Before he left for Catherine's, he tried calling Sara again. As usual, she didn't answer. It frustrated him, the way she was trying to punish him for something he didn't know he did wrong. Was it because he had to leave California to get back to Vegas? He knew she was disappointed about that, but he explained to her why it had to be that way.
He stopped leaving messages after the 20th time she didn't answer her phone, but this time he left one.
"Honey, I know you're mad at me. I can't say I know why. Please call me, okay? I miss you. Bruno is a mess without you. I'm serious, Sara. He just mopes around all day, it's pathetic. He sleeps on your side of the bed. He still eats; God knows he can't go without a meal. But he misses you just as much as I do. Call us, Sara. Just tell me what I can do to fix this. I love you."
He closed his cell phone and looked down at Bruno, laying by his feet. Bruno looked up at him with sad Boxer eyes that broke Gil's heart.
"I know, boy, I miss her too." He got on the floor and scratched the dog's belly, which always made Bruno's day. Well, at least someone's happy, Grissom thought as he left the house.
Catherine's house was only a few miles away, and he made it there quickly. The fragrant smells of garlic and onions wafted through his nose when he walked in the house, handing her a bottle of wine.
"I made you some steak," she said as she lead him inside. "I know you're probably not eating a lot of meat lately, so I thought you'd enjoy it." He gave her a Look. She chuckled.
While she cooked, they talked about Lindsey and how Catherine was trying to control her teenage daughter's rebellious ways.
"I caught her smoking, Gil. And not a cigarette, either."
"What? Was it in the house?"
"God, no. She knows if I ever caught her doing that in my house, there'd be hell to pay. No, it was in the parking lot of the movie theater where I dropped her off. She was with some scary looking guy. I showed the guy my badge and said if he ever showed up around my daughter again, I'd put him in a cell with someone who hasn't seen a woman in 20 years. I think he might have shit his pants."
Gil laughed. He could imagine Catherine doing that, very vividly in fact.
"As for Lindsey, I didn't have to tell her anything. She confessed it all in the car. She said, "Mom, I know it's wrong, and I know you're going to ground me, and I don't think that's right because a lot of kids experiment at my age. But I understand why you have to, and that's okay. And I won't do it again, because I know it can only lead to bad things."
"So you didn't ground her, then?"
Catherine laughed. "Oh, I grounded her for 2 months. But it would have been 3 if not for her little speech."
After the meal, which Gil thoroughly enjoyed (Catherine was right; he hadn't had steak in months), he knew it was time to talk about what he least wanted to talk about.
"Okay, okay, I told you I'd answer your questions. Go ahead, I'm ready."
"Well," she said, the hint of a smile on her face, "I told everyone I was having dinner with you tonight, and if they wanted to know anything, tell me and I'd ask you. So a sample of the questions: Are you really with Sara, how long have you been with Sara, are you and Sara really together, does she love you like you love her, is she a good kisser, are you a good kisser, and how much would you pay us to not tell Ecklie about you two?"
Grissom shook his head. He should have known.
"Wow, such an inquisitve team I have. To answer all those questions: Yes, 2 years, yes, yes, absolutely, nobody's complained, and maybe 10 bucks if they ask nicely."
Catherine almost spit out her wine.
"Gil...2 years? Are you serious?"
He nodded. "Right after Nicky was kidnapped."
She looked at him, clearly frustrated she didn't know about this sooner.
"I can't believe it. I mean, we're trained investigators and we never figured it out!"
"Yeah, well, so are we," he said. "We're good at our jobs."
"So...what is she doing in California?"
Sara told him he could tell them the reason, so he said, "She went to visit her mother. They'd been estranged for a long time for a number of reasons. Her mother was sick and Sara wanted to reconcile with her before she passed away. Which did happen, just about a week ago."
"Oh, Gil, I had no idea!" Catherine shook her head. "So many secrets going on with the two of you...were you ever planning on telling us about what was going on?"
"We were going to tell you when she got back from California."
She looked at him funny. He knew what was coming.
"Going to? You're not going to now?"
He sighed and looked down at his wine glass. He wouldn't meet Catherine's eyes, which he could feel like lasers on his face.
"Gil Grissom, what did you do?" She said it almost angrily, like she knew he was going to mess it all up.
"Okay, well, it turns out she's thinking about staying in California. I went down there for her mother's funeral, but I had to come back quickly because you were on your vacation. She didn't like that I had to leave, so she pretty much left me. We have a dog, Catherine. His name is Bruno and he misses her as much as I do. And I really have no idea what to do about it. I don't know why she's mad, and I don't know how I can get her to come back to me. I just...don't know."
He took a breath. It all came out so fast, before he even knew what he was saying.
"God, Gil, are you dumb or what? You don't wait for her to come back her, you go to her!"
"Catherine, you know I can't--"
"No, no, I don't know that you can't do that. You know very well you could have put Warrick or Nicky in charge while you stayed with Sara. The girl lost her mother, Gil, of course she needs you! And Warrick and Nick could use the experience."
"But I don't understand--"
"I know you don't, and you never have. And I've tried to stay out of your love life, the trainwreck it's always been, up until now. God, you know what I told Sara? I told her Lady Heather was the only woman that ever rattled you. Lady Heather, Gil! A dominatrix!" Recognition dawned on her face, and she looked like she knew all the answers.
"Oh, Gil! You spent the night with Heather! What do you think that did to Sara?!"
"I don't think it did anything! I told her what I had to do and she said she understood! You and I both know I didn't sleep with Heather. I was just helping her out as a friend. Heather was going through a downward spiral and someone had to help her. So I did, and I think I made a difference."
Catherine sighed and shook her head. She came over to Gil and sat next to him. She took his hand, and he had no choice but to look her in the eye.
"Sara knows you didn't sleep with her, I'm sure she knows that. And yet, it doesn't matter. Spending the night at a dominatrix's house that you once had a fling with - and don't try to deny it, you guys had smoking chemistry - that's not cool. It's not good for a relationship. It's not good for a girl's self esteem."
"So is that why she's mad at me? Is that why...she's leaving me?"
Catherine got up and started pacing the room.
"That's probably one of the reasons, yes. But you've also been so consumed with the miniature killer for almost a year now, and when it's not the miniature killer, it's some other case that you can't take your mind off of. Or a sabbatical. Did you even ask her about the sabbatical, Gil? Did you talk about it with her before you left her here for a month?"
"Well...no. I didn't, not exactly."
"And when you guys are at home together, do you make it about her? Or do you watch Godzilla on that huge TV of yours with your giant dog and just hope she's okay with it?"
"Sara likes Bruno. And she happens to like giant reptiles."
"Whatever. Did she say anything that may suggest what she wanted, or something like that?"
He thought about it. He really thought about it. And he found himself thinking about Laura's funeral, when Sara said something about unconditional love. Wait. Did she not think he loved her unconditionally? That he placed...conditions on their life together? How could she possibly think that?
"She said something about unconditional love. And she also mentioned that her mother taught her to fight for it. If you think something is worth it, fight for it."
"Well, what the hell are you waiting for, Gil? Go fight for her!"
"But there's so much I have left to do at the office--"
"Look, there's something you're going to have to come to terms with. It's work or her, Gil. It's come to that point. You're going to have to pick one."
He looked at her, and she nodded. She basically just described what he knew all along: he couldn't have both. It was impossible.
"While you think about that, I want you to go to San Francisco and do whatever you have to do to get her back here. You're not the only one who loves her, Gil. We all do. She's part of the team, and we don't work as well without her."
He sat there on her sofa, thinking about what it was he had to do. Sometimes, when things really got tough, he wondered if it was worth it. He'd have to sacrifice basically everything to be with this woman that turned him inside out and upside down. But he knew the answer to that: of course it was worth it. Like Brass told him what seemed like ages ago, he had a career for a long time, when had he ever known true love?
"Will you take care of my dog?" He asked Catherine. She smiled and nodded.
"Just give me your key and I'll pick him up. Lindsey will love it."
He gave her a kiss on the cheek. He then drove to McCarren Airport and booked the next flight to San Francisco. He had no bags or clothes or anything else but his wallet and the knowledge that he was about to make the biggest decision of his life.
Author: Butliz
Rating: Teen
Spoilers: Everything through 7x24
Disclaimer: I so don't own them.
Summary: Sara's mother is sick, and Sara feels like she's finally ready to face the past. But how will that effect her future? A look at Sara and Grissom's past, present and future. As always, thanks to the tireless beta-ness of GSFanatic.
Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16
A/N: Only 3 more chapters left, y'all.
2007
After a long, stressful, challenging shift, Gil returned to his office. He closed the door, drew the shades and closed his eyes. It used to be, Sara would come in his office, they'd talk about plans for breakfast or dinner, or she'd go home with him. If there was absolutely nobody nearby, he'd close the door and give her a kiss. That always seemed to make her happy.
Making Sara happy...now that was something he was beginning to see that he had no idea how to do. He thought they were happy together. She practically lived with him, they had a dog together, they sometimes spent 24 hours a day together. And then her mother had to write that letter, and now Sara was gone. Earlier in the day, he received a call from his old friend and colleague Martin Thornton.
"Gil, I'm not sure if you were aware of this or not, but Sara has asked me for her job back here. I told her to give me a few days to think about it because I wanted to ask you first. Because frankly, if you don't have a problem with it, I'd love to have her back on my team. She's an amazing CSI, as I'm sure you know."
An amazing CSI, yes. An amazing kisser, an amazing lover, an amazing pancake-maker, an amazing dog lover, an amazing poem writer, an amazing woman. She was all of those things, and it continued to amaze him every single day of the life they had together.
He told Martin he'd call him back in 24 hours. He needed to think. He needed to figure out where he'd gone wrong. She was essentially leaving him, not to mention the lab, and he needed to know what to do about it. He needed to know how to fix it.
He was a workaholic, it was true. The miniature killer really put him on the brink of burnout. When he watched as Ernie Dell pulled the trigger and, for the second time in 2 years, saw someone die in front of him, he thought the nightmare was over. But just as it was with Walter Gordon, he had nightmares about these men. He and Sara would sometimes take turns waking up from nightmares, a pool of sweat forming around them, huffing and puffing like they had just been in a foot race. Sara was haunted by memories of her childhood; Grissom was haunted by his present. They were an interesting pair.
And then another miniature showed up and it started all over again. He had to know. He had to catch this person. Sara didn't understand why he was so obsessed. When he started building his own miniature, she was annoyed. "You get enough of this miniature person at work," she had said. "Why do you have to let it get to you at home, too?"
He tried to explain, but could never find the words. It was comfortable. It was easy to focus on this serial killer. It was easy to wonder about what connected all the murders. When Hodges figured out that the one thing common at every scene was bleach, Grissom was almost jealous of the young lab tech. David Hodges was a pain in the ass, but he was an intelligent, motivated pain in the ass.
Not that being with Sara was hard, necessarily. He loved her. In bed, the feeling of her curled up next to him was the most incredible feeling he'd ever felt. After the song and dance they did for so many years, she never gave up on him. And when they were in bed together, he couldn't believe what a lucky man he was.
But sometimes it was just so...hard. Maintaining a relationship was not easy for him. He'd been in only one other serious relationship, right after college. Her name was Diane, and he loved her in the way only young people could: ignorantly, blindly, and dumbly. Of course she ended up cheating on him; it was only a matter of time. He then made the decision that he would not let women get in the way of his career. And it worked for a long time, until that one fateful day when he walked into the classroom and made the mistake of thinking Sara was the teaching assistant.
There was a knock on his office door. He opened his eyes, annoyed at the interruption. Catherine came in and sat down, not waiting for an invitation. Not that Catherine ever needed an invitation.
"So, how are things?" She asked in that annoying know-it-all way of hers.
"Fine, Catherine. Why don't you just go ahead and get to the point so we don't have to waste 30 minutes on small talk?" Ever since he dropped the bomb about Natalie trying to take away the only person he'd ever loved, his team had been kind of tip-toeing around him, not sure what to say or how to act. He wanted to scream, "Yes, me and Sara are together, we've been hiding it for 2 years, we love each other, now go away, damnit!"
"Look, I want you to come over for dinner tonight before shift. Don't look at me like that, you haven't been to my house in a long time and, well, I miss it."
Truthfully, it did sound tempting. He missed their dinners together, too. Sara always encouraged him to go out with Catherine, but when he and Sara had time to themselves, he always just wanted to spend it with her.
"Okay. I'll be there. And don't think for a second I don't know what this is about, either."
Catherine smirked. "And you're still going to come?"
He sighed. "Catherine, I want to get it out in the open. You deserve to know, everyone does. So, yes, we can eat dinner and I'll answer all your questions."
Catherine looked surprise. He guessed she was expecting a lot more apprehension from him.
"Great. I'll see you at 9, then." She smiled and got up to leave. When the door closed behind her, he closed his eyes again, thinking about the relationship that made him so happy and yet so confused.
********
They always tried to maintain some kind of distance while at the lab together. He'd schedule them to work a case together if necessary, and sometimes just because he wanted to spend extra time with her. When he wanted to be alone, he scheduled her with someone else. He liked that little bit of power he had, and she seemed to understand and appreciate when he needed his space.
The first time he kissed her at work, it took both of them by surprise. He sent her and Warrick out to a murder scene in Henderson, only to find out later it was yet another case of spousal abuse. The husband, tired of his wife's indescretions, shot her in the head 5 times. Doc Robbins also found bruises all over her body, suggesting repeated longterm abuse.
Grissom didn't hear about it firsthand from her, but from Warrick, who came to update him about the case. When Warrick mentioned the abuse, Grissom winced. They'd only been together a few months at the time, but even then he knew Sara was going to have a few nightmares about this one.
"Where's Sara?" He asked Warrick.
"She's in the break room, I think. She looked pretty shaken, and I didn't want to bother her."
Grissom thanked him and walked to the break room. She was sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. He knew she wasn't really reading it, she was just trying to get her mind off what she'd seen.
He sat on the sofa next to her. She looked up at him, her eyes red. He took her hand, and then he leaned over and kissed her softly. She smiled, clearly appreciating the gesture.
"Griss...anyone can come in here. Ecklie could come in here."
"I know...but it's important to me that you know your happiness comes first, okay? If it means everybody in Las Vegas law enforcement walking in on us making out, well, we'll deal with that. Okay?"
She nodded and kissed him back. And less then a minute later, Ecklie did walk in. Fortunately, Gil was getting a cup of coffee and not making out with his underling at the time.
Gil thought about that when he went home to rest before having dinner with Catherine. He told Sara that her happiness comes first, and at the time he really meant it. He wondered if that was an empty promise made in the early days of a love affair; the kind you whisper in your lover's ear and then forget about when a certain amount of time has passed. Would he do that now, after 2 years together? Would he kiss her if there was any kind of chance they could get caught, even if it would make her happy? The sad thing was, he didn't know if he would.
Before he left for Catherine's, he tried calling Sara again. As usual, she didn't answer. It frustrated him, the way she was trying to punish him for something he didn't know he did wrong. Was it because he had to leave California to get back to Vegas? He knew she was disappointed about that, but he explained to her why it had to be that way.
He stopped leaving messages after the 20th time she didn't answer her phone, but this time he left one.
"Honey, I know you're mad at me. I can't say I know why. Please call me, okay? I miss you. Bruno is a mess without you. I'm serious, Sara. He just mopes around all day, it's pathetic. He sleeps on your side of the bed. He still eats; God knows he can't go without a meal. But he misses you just as much as I do. Call us, Sara. Just tell me what I can do to fix this. I love you."
He closed his cell phone and looked down at Bruno, laying by his feet. Bruno looked up at him with sad Boxer eyes that broke Gil's heart.
"I know, boy, I miss her too." He got on the floor and scratched the dog's belly, which always made Bruno's day. Well, at least someone's happy, Grissom thought as he left the house.
Catherine's house was only a few miles away, and he made it there quickly. The fragrant smells of garlic and onions wafted through his nose when he walked in the house, handing her a bottle of wine.
"I made you some steak," she said as she lead him inside. "I know you're probably not eating a lot of meat lately, so I thought you'd enjoy it." He gave her a Look. She chuckled.
While she cooked, they talked about Lindsey and how Catherine was trying to control her teenage daughter's rebellious ways.
"I caught her smoking, Gil. And not a cigarette, either."
"What? Was it in the house?"
"God, no. She knows if I ever caught her doing that in my house, there'd be hell to pay. No, it was in the parking lot of the movie theater where I dropped her off. She was with some scary looking guy. I showed the guy my badge and said if he ever showed up around my daughter again, I'd put him in a cell with someone who hasn't seen a woman in 20 years. I think he might have shit his pants."
Gil laughed. He could imagine Catherine doing that, very vividly in fact.
"As for Lindsey, I didn't have to tell her anything. She confessed it all in the car. She said, "Mom, I know it's wrong, and I know you're going to ground me, and I don't think that's right because a lot of kids experiment at my age. But I understand why you have to, and that's okay. And I won't do it again, because I know it can only lead to bad things."
"So you didn't ground her, then?"
Catherine laughed. "Oh, I grounded her for 2 months. But it would have been 3 if not for her little speech."
After the meal, which Gil thoroughly enjoyed (Catherine was right; he hadn't had steak in months), he knew it was time to talk about what he least wanted to talk about.
"Okay, okay, I told you I'd answer your questions. Go ahead, I'm ready."
"Well," she said, the hint of a smile on her face, "I told everyone I was having dinner with you tonight, and if they wanted to know anything, tell me and I'd ask you. So a sample of the questions: Are you really with Sara, how long have you been with Sara, are you and Sara really together, does she love you like you love her, is she a good kisser, are you a good kisser, and how much would you pay us to not tell Ecklie about you two?"
Grissom shook his head. He should have known.
"Wow, such an inquisitve team I have. To answer all those questions: Yes, 2 years, yes, yes, absolutely, nobody's complained, and maybe 10 bucks if they ask nicely."
Catherine almost spit out her wine.
"Gil...2 years? Are you serious?"
He nodded. "Right after Nicky was kidnapped."
She looked at him, clearly frustrated she didn't know about this sooner.
"I can't believe it. I mean, we're trained investigators and we never figured it out!"
"Yeah, well, so are we," he said. "We're good at our jobs."
"So...what is she doing in California?"
Sara told him he could tell them the reason, so he said, "She went to visit her mother. They'd been estranged for a long time for a number of reasons. Her mother was sick and Sara wanted to reconcile with her before she passed away. Which did happen, just about a week ago."
"Oh, Gil, I had no idea!" Catherine shook her head. "So many secrets going on with the two of you...were you ever planning on telling us about what was going on?"
"We were going to tell you when she got back from California."
She looked at him funny. He knew what was coming.
"Going to? You're not going to now?"
He sighed and looked down at his wine glass. He wouldn't meet Catherine's eyes, which he could feel like lasers on his face.
"Gil Grissom, what did you do?" She said it almost angrily, like she knew he was going to mess it all up.
"Okay, well, it turns out she's thinking about staying in California. I went down there for her mother's funeral, but I had to come back quickly because you were on your vacation. She didn't like that I had to leave, so she pretty much left me. We have a dog, Catherine. His name is Bruno and he misses her as much as I do. And I really have no idea what to do about it. I don't know why she's mad, and I don't know how I can get her to come back to me. I just...don't know."
He took a breath. It all came out so fast, before he even knew what he was saying.
"God, Gil, are you dumb or what? You don't wait for her to come back her, you go to her!"
"Catherine, you know I can't--"
"No, no, I don't know that you can't do that. You know very well you could have put Warrick or Nicky in charge while you stayed with Sara. The girl lost her mother, Gil, of course she needs you! And Warrick and Nick could use the experience."
"But I don't understand--"
"I know you don't, and you never have. And I've tried to stay out of your love life, the trainwreck it's always been, up until now. God, you know what I told Sara? I told her Lady Heather was the only woman that ever rattled you. Lady Heather, Gil! A dominatrix!" Recognition dawned on her face, and she looked like she knew all the answers.
"Oh, Gil! You spent the night with Heather! What do you think that did to Sara?!"
"I don't think it did anything! I told her what I had to do and she said she understood! You and I both know I didn't sleep with Heather. I was just helping her out as a friend. Heather was going through a downward spiral and someone had to help her. So I did, and I think I made a difference."
Catherine sighed and shook her head. She came over to Gil and sat next to him. She took his hand, and he had no choice but to look her in the eye.
"Sara knows you didn't sleep with her, I'm sure she knows that. And yet, it doesn't matter. Spending the night at a dominatrix's house that you once had a fling with - and don't try to deny it, you guys had smoking chemistry - that's not cool. It's not good for a relationship. It's not good for a girl's self esteem."
"So is that why she's mad at me? Is that why...she's leaving me?"
Catherine got up and started pacing the room.
"That's probably one of the reasons, yes. But you've also been so consumed with the miniature killer for almost a year now, and when it's not the miniature killer, it's some other case that you can't take your mind off of. Or a sabbatical. Did you even ask her about the sabbatical, Gil? Did you talk about it with her before you left her here for a month?"
"Well...no. I didn't, not exactly."
"And when you guys are at home together, do you make it about her? Or do you watch Godzilla on that huge TV of yours with your giant dog and just hope she's okay with it?"
"Sara likes Bruno. And she happens to like giant reptiles."
"Whatever. Did she say anything that may suggest what she wanted, or something like that?"
He thought about it. He really thought about it. And he found himself thinking about Laura's funeral, when Sara said something about unconditional love. Wait. Did she not think he loved her unconditionally? That he placed...conditions on their life together? How could she possibly think that?
"She said something about unconditional love. And she also mentioned that her mother taught her to fight for it. If you think something is worth it, fight for it."
"Well, what the hell are you waiting for, Gil? Go fight for her!"
"But there's so much I have left to do at the office--"
"Look, there's something you're going to have to come to terms with. It's work or her, Gil. It's come to that point. You're going to have to pick one."
He looked at her, and she nodded. She basically just described what he knew all along: he couldn't have both. It was impossible.
"While you think about that, I want you to go to San Francisco and do whatever you have to do to get her back here. You're not the only one who loves her, Gil. We all do. She's part of the team, and we don't work as well without her."
He sat there on her sofa, thinking about what it was he had to do. Sometimes, when things really got tough, he wondered if it was worth it. He'd have to sacrifice basically everything to be with this woman that turned him inside out and upside down. But he knew the answer to that: of course it was worth it. Like Brass told him what seemed like ages ago, he had a career for a long time, when had he ever known true love?
"Will you take care of my dog?" He asked Catherine. She smiled and nodded.
"Just give me your key and I'll pick him up. Lindsey will love it."
He gave her a kiss on the cheek. He then drove to McCarren Airport and booked the next flight to San Francisco. He had no bags or clothes or anything else but his wallet and the knowledge that he was about to make the biggest decision of his life.
