November 10th 2001

I'm going to take this time to gush a bit about BB, my boyfriend, my partner in crime, my best friend. I don't think I do enough gushing.

I was just kinda watching him a little when we were at the high school football game, when he was so happy that his team was winning, and I thought to myself, damn, he's a babe! I mean, he just has these gorgeous blue eyes, and I love his long hair. Of course, when I first met him, he had a mullet, but we don't need to go there. I just love long hair on guys, I don't know why, but I always have.

Anyway. He's just a damn genius. He skipped 2nd grade and I think 6th grade. He's so smart and generous and he has his shit together and I really admire that. He makes me want to better myself, to rise about the rut I've been in for so long, when no when else can. And I love that about him. It might be what I love about him the most. That and his long hair.

Okay, I'm finished gushing, really.

Tonight I had Cheesecake ice cream with recees peanut butter cups from Marble Slab. Hot fucking damn, that was good shit.

I was watching something on Comedy Central about the movie Shallow Hal, and I heard Gweneth call it a "love letter to overweight people." Well thank you, Gweneth. Us fat people will be sure to mail you back a "Love letter to no talent crackwhores who get to act because they have actor parents", okay? Yeah, and be sure to say hi to Ben for me.

(Uhoh, Davey, I may have to steal back my Bitter Mcchesty title for a while)

I also realized something when I was watching Comedy Central. I used to love watching South Park, it was my all time favorite show, but I stopped watching it. I think I know why. It's because Cartman is exactly like my ex boyfriend, psycho boy. He talks like him, he acts like him, he kinda looks like him. And that's a bit distracting, if not a bit annoying and such.

I'm gonna go to be now.

November 10th 2001

Okay, so now I'm going to tell you a joke. Stop me if you've heard this one.

So this prostitute and this koala bear are doing prostitute type activities. When they are finished, post coitus, if you will, the prostitute tells the koala bear to pay up.

"I don't have to pay you," says the Koala Bear, smugly.

"Yes you do! I'm a prostitute!" says the prostitute.

They continue to squabble over this, until the prostitute comes up with a plan.

"Look up my definition in the dictionary, that'll tell you," says the prostitute.

They look it up, and find the definition to be "One who gets paid for sex."

The koala bear giggled, and said, "That's great, but look up my defintion."

They looked up koala bear, and it said:

"One who eats bush and leaves."

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night.

Here's another one, one I made up all by myself:

Why did Monica Lewinsky cross the road?

Because she sucks.

Anyway.

I'm at my dad's house once again, enjoying my time with my puppy dog. BB and I went to my dad's farm today. I don't go nearly as much as I used to, since the house burned down and such, but I went today so I could see the farm dogs, two rather large Anatolian Shephards. They go around the farm during the night and kill all suspicious/bad animals. They are vicious dogs, but if they like you, they're just big cuddly happy dogs. I lurrve my puppies.

Angel Boy called tonight, but I didn't have my phone with me. This little obsession I have going on with him really needs to change. It either needs to stop or it needs to be cultivated. Maybe I just need to say fuck it and go after the guy. I fully believe that if I wanted him, and if I wanted to have a little relationship type thing with him, I could have it. That's evil of me, because I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend and here I am with my boyfriend of 4 years, but these are extreme circumstances.

I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop thinking about how much I may regret not going after him when I could, and just how our relationship would be if I did. I just have to ask, is a relationship with him worth breaking up a perfectly fine relationship I already have going on here?

Sometimes I ask myself, "What's the big deal? So he's a hot guy, great, there's many other hot guys out there." But we have a history! A history of mutual lust and chemistry that you can't just go and find on a random Saturday night. This obsession with him has only gotten worse since I saw him last year, and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to regret not going after him for the rest of my life, but I don't want to ruin a good thing that I have without him.

Boys are icky!