August 16th 2001

I had a really nice night tonight. I first went to Half Price Books. I bought lots of books and a new diary, not that I'm going to write in it, but at least I have it. I will explain my love for Half Price Books later in this entry and such.

I then went to Barnes and Noble, and settled in with the new Elizabeth Berg book. She is a fantabulous writer and I recommend her strongly. Anyway, I had started the book about a month ago. I read about 2 chapters. Tonight, I read the rest of it. It took about 2 hours, but I read that damn book, and it was a damn good book, damnit! I just recently started reading whole books in bookstores, but it's fun, and I'm going to keep doing it. I stayed there until 10, so that when I left I could listen to Loveline.

So I drove home, listening to Loveline, and almost causing a million accidents because I'm looking up at the sky, where there is multitudes of lightening. I love rain, folks. I know I've said that about 100 times, but I do. I love thunder, lightening, rain, gray skies, everything. Give it all to me, and I will be a happy woman. This summer is kinda cool like that. The temperatures will get up to 102, then it'll rain, and it'll go back to 95 for a week, and then it'll rain again. When you've lived through the Texas summers for the past 3 or 4 years, you'll realize how nice it is to have actual raindrops.

My dorm is kind of a meeting place for the sororities on campus because they don't have a sorority house or whatever in which to meet. So they're having their meetings this week, and the parking lot is full of Honda Civics, Ford Explorers, and Jeep Cherokees, and there's a bunch of girls in faux pajamas all excitedly clutching each other like it's the greatest thing in the world to be in a sorority at the University of North Texas. Well, slap my dick and call me horny! Not that I'm bitter or anything.

The roommate is coming soon. I need to call her tommorow. I'm afraid I'm going to be a bit bitchy, because we're going to be sharing this dorm room that I've already lived in for a year. I will try not to think that it's "my" room, because it's "our" room and that is a good thing to remember.

Okay, my love for Half Price Books. Last year, I discovered something great there: BabySitters Club books for 50 cents each! I had just gotten in a car accident which rendered me carless, so I'd get my mom or Dorkus Boy to take me there and I'd just fill up on these books. I think I read all of them, 100+. I don't know why I thought I needed to read all these, it was just nice to be transformed back to my childhood for a while. Later, in October, Ann M. Martin released the LAST BabySitters Club (which had been renamed the "Friends Forever" series), which had them graduating from junior high but never going to high school! That tore me up. They'd been in 8th grade for like 9 years, and she couldn't let them go to high school?!

Notice that I haven't talked much about my weight loss lately? That's because I pretty much fell off the wagon. I was going strong for 2 weeks, which is really the norm for me, and then just stopped. I've had McDonalds two days in a row. This is a bad cycle. I'll be good for two weeks, then I won't see any difference, and then I'll just eat all I can, vowing to diet again soon. I really don't know how to stop this.. it's really quite frustrating.

I was reading someone's diary the other day (how unlikely of me!) and was frightened by the fact that she had no idea "Faith" was sung by someone other than Limp Bizkit. No prior knowledge that this fine work of art was previously done by George Micheals, the bathroom king himself. That almost made me cry.

Here's a few more poems, some that suck and some that are pretty decent, for your edification. Once again, if you like or hate them, let me know. I thrive on guestbook entries! (Yes, that's dorky, I know.)

___________________________________________

A letter to Angel Boy - December, 1995

I looked at you as if you were a god.

(you were not a god)

I gave you my love

(and it wasn't returned)

You touched me in all the right places

(except my heart)

You were there for me

(except when I needed you)

Now you are gone

(thank god)

I have moved on

(to someone else)

Our relationship was good

(for a while)

You broke my heart

(you ignorant bastard)

Untitled - June 1995

Sometimes you have a wonderful friend

whose friendship with you has come to end

you are so sad, you hate to see her go

but then you think about her being so low

my good friend broke my heart

just reached into my chest and tore it apart

she shows no remorse for what she has done

there goes the endless fun

Sometimes you regret it, you really do

But then you wonder, who are my friends, was it you?

A friendship that was good has come to and end

So I must say farewell, my friend.

Untitled - July 1996

My mind sees what my eyes do not

I see my every thought

My mind is slowly shutting down

All I'm wearing is a frown

I am going crazy, but only to myself

no one is really doubting my mental health

but inside there is no doubt

that I am screaming to get out

What the hell is going on here?

Why can't anyone see my fear?

Someone help me, I'm dying inside

My soul feels like cyanide

if you want to help me, let me die

I no longer want to cry.

Awww.. teenage depression, how cute.

Homecoming - October, 1996

The night is dark

we embrace

we dance

several people surround us

they don't matter

it's only us

music plays in the background

but I hear silence

our lips meet

and my mind escapes

and the night remains dark.

The Ringer - 1998

You prick my finger with your bloody words

you look at me with your ocean eyes

why won't you be mine, damnit?

why am I wasting my time, damnit?

Come to me, you know you want to

my heart calls to you

like a cell phone

but your heart has turned off the ringer.

(this would be one of those that sucks.)