June 28th 2001

I should not be allowed to talk, that's all. Just don't let me. Put some tape over my mouth or something.

Okay, so I have a semi-crush on the student teacher in my math class. Let's call him "Math boy." So I taped the Simpsons for Math boy on Sunday while he gave an extra review session before a test. So he gave it back to me today and said it was nice of me to tape it for him, and I'm like..

Me: No problem.

Him: Well, really, it's like the only thing I watch, I really appreciate it.

Me: Well, you help me out a lot, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't understand any of this. (blushing) So I guess it's kinda like an even trade, I guess. Or maybe not. (More blushing)

Him: Oh, it's more of an even trade than you know.

Okay?! Thank you. For some reason I felt like a total dork.

Finally, it's Thursday. No more school. Now I get to go see my boyfriend and sink into comfortable bliss that I've known for so many years now. I'll drive the hour over there, I'll go to sleep in his bed, we'll do stuff this weekend that we'll always do, and it'll be nice, because I love him and appreciate him.

And then I'll wonder if I'm with the right guy and if I should really be there instead of out enjoying my college life.

And then I'll get over it, because I love him and I really don't have much interest in what college people do during the weekend.

And it's a cycle.

I think I need to explain my name.. I am an obsessive Guns N Roses fan. MyMichele is one of their songs. I just needed a name for BUST and I picked it. That's not my favorite song or anything.. if I did that my name would be Don't Cry. Which kinda has a nice ring to it, I guess.

June 28th, 2001 pt 2

So I feel like I've had a pretty good week. I really feel like taking this math class has been a good learning experience. I know that I'm not totally hopeless, I just need to WORK on it. I don't like working on it, but I really love getting good grades. Getting an 87 on that test was so satisfying.

I still need to work on resisting temptation. When did I get so weak? When did I tell Taco Cabana that is has control over me? When did I suddenly tell myself, "you know what, it's okay. Go ahead and get fat and look slovenly everyday cuz no one will care."

Well, people do care. I know Mr. Michele says that he doesn't care, but I also know he wouldn't exactly mind if I lost 30 pounds and looked the same as I did when we first got together.

I was so cute when I was 15. I didn't have any self esteem so I didn't really know that I was cute, but I was. I want so badly to lose weight, I really do. There's just some kind of circuit in me that won't let me. The part of my brain that says, "Another cheeseburger won't hurt. Another hour of being online is okay, you can study in the morning. You don't have to exercise today, you have the whole summer to do that."

I've started talking to an old friend again. She's really successful now and I'm kinda jealous. But not really. I'm tired of being jealous of her. When we were friends in junior high, I was the smart one and she was the pretty one. She'd bring a guy to her house, I'd meet him and try to impress him with my fast knowledge of whatever he was into, but then she'd come in and be all beautiful and shit and being smart wouldn't matter.

I think I'll shut up now. Have a nice weekend, diaryland.